Numb.
I don’t know if or when I have ever felt as vulnerable and fragile as I do at this very moment.
Today was one of spontaneous tears.
The realization that Roger is no longer with us has finally hit me. It feels like a lead pipe bouncing off of the base of my spine.
The complexities that now need to be sorted out are overwhelming. My whole life will be changing dramatically in the next month - I initiated this months ago and know that in the long run the decisions that have gotten me here will be for the best. Still, I am afraid.
In the past I have been a very spontaneous person. I have been comfortable packing up all of my belongings and living a semi-nomadic life, following capricous whims where they led. I am no longer this person. Where she went I do not know. I am surprised to learn that she has left me, especially now that I truly need her.
I was at The Lad’s for a short while this evening. I was uncomfortable for reasons that I am failing miserably to understand. Driving home, I was almost in a daze. I lost track of where I was and had no sense of familiarity with my surroundings, but had the strongest desire to simply continue driving - I know not where.
Dino Corvino said:
You have set your feet. You have made your play. Stand, right where you want to. See what happens. You have come this far. See what happens next, let the world come to you a bit. Especially now.
May 31st, 2008 at 1:25 am #
Jane Smith said:
Good manipulation. Please tell Kevin and his mother as well as his family that my thoughts and prayers are with them as Roger did seem like a great guy.
June 1st, 2008 at 10:26 am #
Billie said:
I am not sure what “good manipulation” means, but I agree, Roger was a wonderful man. He was one of my closest friends and the person I turned to for help and advice in many situations. There has been a parade of people visiting the house over the weekend to pay their respects and grieve with Kevin and his mother, Laura, as they had while Roger was ill. It is great to know how well loved he was.
How did you know Roger? Any additional words you would like sent along to the family?
June 1st, 2008 at 5:10 pm #