Friends.
The last couple of days I have remained in a fog. I am not motivated to do anything much more than what is necessary, even that has been taking a considerable effort.
I haven’t done anything more with the horses than feed them and make sure that they have fresh water.
I did manage to get to the feed store to pick up dog food and grain yesterday. But for the most part I sat and read a book that Roger had given me on my last visit. Nothing particularly special, it is a book about U-Boats, but it made me feel a bit closer to him as I read it.
Kevin and I have been in regular contact. We may not be together in the same sense that we were before, but I find it important to be the best friend that I can be, especially as he is going through so much. I worry about his mom even though we are not close. She gets forgetful about taking her medications and eating regularly. Fortunately, Kevin is good about taking care of her and they both sound as though they are coping well. Lots of friends have stopped by the house, sitting on the back deck where Roger spent a great deal of time.
I had been looking forward for a couple of weeks to seeing Sunspot last night, but wasn’t sure if I should go. Talking to Kevin helped - he knows how much I enjoy the band and encouraged me to go out for a while. The show was fantastic, the band members friendly and enthusiastic as always. I sang along with every song - it is as though most of the lyrics were taken directly from my internal dialogue. It is nice to know others feel the same way. At the end of the show, Ben, the guitarist gave me his pick from the performance. It was a little bit cheesy, but sweet nonetheless and I appreciated the gesture.
Today I went with Malinda to my client Barb’s farm. It was a long drive, but good to be with close friends. Barb’s imported horse was “off” in the front, so Malinda put shoes and pads on while another friend, Ardis, and I played with the young horses. Nizelster Boi seemed much more comfortable with his new shoes. Wwe all went to lunch and talked for several hours about horsey things. It was good to get outside of my own head for a while.
The Lad and I have had a couple of good conversations. It is really good to have another friend to lean on from time to time, especially as he experiences the same kind of frustration and angst that I carry. I have a hard time expressing frustration, anger or hurt to most of my friends - being real and frank are hard for me in real life, I like to be positive and enthusiastic (the pseudo-anonymity of this blog is different). The Lad is almost brutally honest and forthcoming with his thoughts. I am learning a great deal from him and am more easily able to express myself sincerely even when it is uncomfortable. Progress.