The story of a girl who bought the farm, the horses and a backhoe.
by Billie on May 22nd, 2008 • No Comments »
As you may have guessed, I have been dealing with some depression type issues of late. Today, instead of worrying if I am bipolar, I decided to do something life-affirming.
My friend Malinda has a tree. An American Chestnut tree.
This is a wonder in and of itself as the early part of the 20th century brought with it a blight that wiped out native chestnut populations throughout most of the country. The blight was though to have been brought here in the late 1800’s on Japanese chestnut trees. The result is that There are some naturalized American chestnut populations in Canada, and the northwestern U. S. that were established from seeds that the settlers took with them as they migrated. These trees are not resistant to the blight, but they thus far have been sufficiently geographically isolated from the blight fungus in the East that they have attained large size and are reproducing by seeds. There are some populations in Wisconsin (outside of the chestnut’s original range), but in recent years the blight has found them and many of these trees are falling despite efforts to check the disease.
Malinda has an American Chestnut tree. Amazing. It is glorious.
The tree began to blossom this morning. I know, this is what happens with trees in the spring, but this particular tree shared with me the most ethereal experience several years ago. An experience that I will literally drop everything to revisit.
Standing under the tree I heard incredibly loud buzzing. I thought I had angered a nest of bees and was a bit fearful. What I saw, amazed me. Hundreds of hummingbirds danced their way between the leaves high above my head, sipping nectar from the slowly opening blossoms as evening set in.
It is an other-worldly experience. It defies any real description.
The message came that today was the day.
I spent several hours with the tree and the hummingbirds. I lay in the grass and was amazed all over again.
Definitely hedonistic.
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by Billie on May 21st, 2008 • No Comments »
Today was productive. I did lots of chores, including mowing the lawn. The horses remained in their respective paddocks. I had several good rides.
Then the good bit.
After running several errands, I stopped in at The Lad’s place to congratulate him in person on the job offer that he received and accepted this afternoon.
He looked very debonair - some would say downright dashing. I left after playing an obnoxiously happy tune and forcing a ridiculous issue that I had brought up some days ago. Got a mile or two down the road, remembered that I had to go back to the west side to pick something up from my mother and made an executive decision.
Turning around, I stopped back at The Lad’s, made sure he was decent and told him that I was taking him to a celebratory dinner.
So, that is what happened. We had a glass of wine, ate, and enjoyed one another’s company.
Not much else needs to happen. I am content. And the horses are still in.
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by Billie on May 21st, 2008 • One Comment »
Ramses, my Great Dane is extremely flatulent tonight. I may need to rethink putting his dog bed in my bedroom. A gas mask would be helpful.
I am suffering from insomnia yet again. It seems to come and go, tonight it arrived in full force. Usually sleep meditation works for me, but that has not been the case of late. My chiropractor encouraged me to take a magnesium supplement late in the evening, which helped for a while too. Since I refuse to resort to pills here I am, at 3:00 am, blogging of all things.
Today was a pretty decent day, all told. I completed the construction of a new paddock for Duncan and Lerus and moved them into it. (They stayed in which is a bonus). I played with the dogs and explored the woods at the back of our property. Rode 3 horses and then spent some quality time with my old Thoroughbred, Mr. Forbes. Took a few pictures. Picked asparagus. Put a coat of varnish on the bathroom vanity.
Talked to my equine chiropractor for a good bit. She is coming to do adjustments on three horses this Sunday. One of my favorite clients called to schedule lessons and gear up for the show season. Another client called to invite me to a horsey ladies day at her farm at the end of the month (the wine flows quite freely on these days and we have a great time). The Lad phoned and we had a good chat.
The existential crisis is on hold for now.
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by Billie on May 19th, 2008 • No Comments »
Yep, that says it all.
I am out of sorts this evening. WAY out. Cranky as hell. No real reason, just the cumulative effect of life in general.
The trip back from Chicago was unspectacular. I drove and listened to Sunspot most of the way while drinking far too much iced coffee and Mountain Dew. Kevin was a pill. Thankfully, he slept the majority of the way back north. Thank you, thank you, thank you Sunspot for Scott Bakula! It always makes me laugh. Step On It describes my feelings toward my roommate pretty accurately…
I delivered goodies (tiramisu, gelato and sushi) to various friends, then went and picked up my dogs and home to bed. Actually, I spent a few unexpected hours at the home of The Lad - not in my plan, but pleasant anyway. I am really not sure why I am drawn to his company, but there it is.
This afternoon I met up with some friends for coffee, then The Lad for lunch and yet more coffee. I really had no desire to come home. The workload is overwhelming right now. My optimism is wearing thin.
So, I took some photos of baby Joey (cute and charming as always). Then took a long, hot bath and read a book about WWII submarines instead of accomplishing anything tangible. Keeping the little grey cells working seems productive enough.
I am continually disturbed by a conversation that I have had far too many times with The Lad. He constantly tells me that I speak too much like a professor and need to lighten up. Honestly. This is coming from a certifiable crumudgeon (OK , I use the term, but have no idea how to spell it). Do speech patterns really determine a person’s ability to apprecite life?
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by Billie on May 17th, 2008 • No Comments »
The ex and I arrived in Chicago around 11:00 am yesterday. His father cried as we walked in. I guess this is really where I need to be right now.
Kevin’s off-of-the-boat Italian mom has been shoving copious amounts of food in front of our faces. Actually, I like being mothered from time to time, and I love the various gastronomic delights available in the city. Pete’s for gyros and some of the best chili dogs on the planet. DeNico’s or Connie’s for pizza. Gelato Uno for extremely handsome Italian waiters and fantastic pistachio gelato. Papaspiro’s for moussaka… I could go on and on.
As it turns out, Roger (the dad) is in fairly good spirits and is hanging in there gamely. He is exceptionally weak, has been bedridden since November and now looks like a concentration camp survivor. It is really difficult to see such a robust man now in this condition.
My major contribution to his well being has been feeding him literally anything that he can dream up, running here and there to see that his wishes are fulfilled. His appetite is waning, so the leftovers are quickly filling the refrigerator. I have also been giving him light massages to help keep his circulation going. He is very delicate, all ofthe fat on his body is gone and the muscle is slowly melting away, so I have to be as gentle as with a newborn child. I have given him a manicure and picked lilacs and irises from the backyard to put near his bed.
Roger used to spend most evenings on his back deck which overlooks the yard and street. Since he took ill, he has not even been able to sit up. His hospital bed is in the living room, so he is not even able to see much outside. Working out in the garden this afternoon, mowing the grass and trimming the shrubbery, at least a dozen people stopped to ask after Roger. There is something to be said about community.
Just being here to provide conversation and company seems to be providing a boost to his morale. I am very happy that I was able to come.
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by Billie on May 15th, 2008 • No Comments »
I just got off of the phone with the lad formerly known as my crushee. The ridiculous stage is now history. One of my friends had emailed me last night, stating that he did not approve of my having a crush on someone and wanting to know who the fellow was (since it seemingly was not him). I realized that I do not approve of my having a crush on anyone either, especially as the timing could not possibly be worse. So, that is that. He will remain a friend. I will be his sounding-board. It is a good fit.
Today I worked 3 horses in the early hours of the morning, then received a call from work. Celebrating the facility’s last day, everyone was gathered for a picnic, to which I was invited. It was somewhat depressing to say goodbye to the people that I had seen every day - even those that I was not particularly close to. My former crushee was one of the few not in attendance. That was most disappointing. One of the other fellows decided that we should have a grope session in one of the offices. Not a good idea. His most unwelcome advances left me utterly pissed (sorry for the language, that was the most benign turn of phrase that I could use). He is a lawsuit waiting to happen. Good luck to his next employer as well as to his wife and female colleagues. Seriously, what a distasteful train wreck.
So, I promptly left and ran a few errands. The first of which was going to the feed store to buy some grain (I forgot to phone in my order yet again). Happily, my friend Adam works at this particular store so we had a good chat and made plans to meet up in a couple of weeks. It has been a couple of years since we last did anything together, which is another sad fact of adult life.
I feel compelled to insert my new big idea here. Simply, to reconnect with friends, spend quality time with people whose company I enjoy and even (gasp) get out there and meet some new people. The hermetic life can be overrated. The farm will always be my first priority, but I do plan on going up north to do some hiking in between shows and other related commitments. Perhaps I will find other interests to occupy some of my time, rather than being so obsessed with work. That may be a stretch, but sometimes stretching is good.
At any rate, I picked about 6 or 8 pounds of asparagus, which are now clean and bagged in the refrigerator. I just need to get diesel fuel for the tractor and drop some asparagus off at my neighbor’s, then feed the animals, and the night is mine! Hooray for Thursday. I love The Office. Really, I was resistant at first being a huge fan of the British version, but our version is nearly as good. It is a little, pleasant something to look forward to mid-week. The call back from my former crushee will be nice too.
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by Billie on May 14th, 2008 • One Comment »
I woke obnoxiously early this morning, and decided to put a saddle on Duncan for the first time. He was not amused. Fortunately, he was cooperative, but after jumping around and getting a few good bucks out, he decided that it was no longer prudent to move. At all. I literally had to take the saddle off to put him back into his turnout. Never in my years have I come across this response in any horse!
Mirelle and I went for our first ride of the season (I have been working her on the line and in-hand). She was a bit pushy and determined to get her way, but we worked through her tantrums and had a fairly nice hack. Real work won’t start for several weeks, as I need to do tons of trot sets to get her back into some semblance of shape. My goal is to get her out to a couple of Dressage shows in July/August and to the Otter Creek horse trials this fall.
Two client-owned horses will be arriving within the next week or so, which is exciting. One is a coming 3 year old filly with a very challenging personality. The other is a yearling that I will be taking out on the circuit to qualifying for the biggest of the big shows - Dressage at Devon.
My summer is taking shape at last! The other two yearlings that I will be campaigning should be here by month’s end.
So, after working a few horses I went into town (Wausau of course) to pick up my lovely tile.
They did not have enough of the tile that I want, so my purchase will be delayed by several days. In the meantime, I have decided that I will put radiant heat into the bathroom floor, so another large hunk of cash will be spent on making my bathroom the height of luxury. If only one room is going to be finished in the near future, I plan on going a bit overboard.
Instead of stewing, I went to pay a call to my favorite florist. The ladies at this particular shop are supportive of my ridiculous attention to detail, and essentially let me into the back room to design my own pieces and obsess over vessel choices. I bought arrangements for my friend Katrina, my mother and my crushee (strictly as a friendly/supportive gesture). To my way of thinking, it is cool to give man-flowers. I like clean, strong lines with little fluff or filler, which often works for men anyway.
For his birthday last month, I gave my brother a floral arrangement. He was quite surprised and pleased. No one had ever given him flowers before. I find that sad. He displays the vase in a prominent position in his dining room.
After delivering flowers around town, I went to dinner with a group of friends. Our plan had been to go to ladies’ night at Bullshooters (egads - Wranglers make me want to run screaming into the night, cowboy hats and boots elicit an even stronger response). I do admit that the mechanical bull is really fun to ride. If I could justify it, I think I would buy a mechanical bull for my own amusement. Our plan is to show up in breeches and tall boots some night just to see how the good western folks respond. At any rate, tonight was a wash as one of the gang had a sick child and couldn’t make it. Instead I picked up a couple of grown-up style pizzas and salad, and met everyone at Katrina’s house.
Ladies night at home is much more relaxing than ladies night at a bar. The one weapon that I have recently added to my going out arsenal are stickers from work… they have a large red field with “rejected” written in white. They are about 3 x 6″ and I am not afraid to stick them on the annoying, groping, ogling men that swarm women in bars. All womankind should carry a roll of these in their handbags at all times.
I guess that summarizes my wisdom for the day.
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by Billie on May 13th, 2008 • One Comment »
The good news.
I went shopping for tile yet again, and found the most gorgeous travertine… once I have a friend check my math, I will be plunking down a fairly hefty chunk of change to get the tile. Oh, and of course all of the materials needed for setting tile. That includes grout. I hate grouting. It is one hell of a mess. Oh well, in due time I will have one room in my house that is in what I consider livable condition. Oh, and I found some very awesome light fixtures that will have to come home with me. I will have a really cool bathroom soon! Guests will be forced to use the upstairs bath.
In a veritable fit of ambition, I worked 4 horses today and took a brief ride on my pony. It is nice to get back into the swing of things, and to have not been killed, maimed or even injured in the process. Duncan (who is turning 3 and is as full of testosterone as a horse can be) has been trying on all sorts of naughty behavior of late, but he does try to listen in between temper tantrums. I am both extremely excited and nervous as hell to start his training under saddle. I take solace in knowing that he still has a great deal of growing to do, so it is actually good for him physically if I wait to start him.
I am trying to motivate myself to get back into fencing mode (day two that all of the horses stayed where they belong). There are 6 horses on the waiting list to come here from various long-term clients. I should really get my bum into gear. Facing the fence by myself has been an exercise in futility over the past couple of months, so I procrastinate. It is pretty shameful of me, I know.
The really crap news.
This weekend, I am going to Chicago with Kevin (the “ex”). His father’s health is deteriorating rapidly. So much so, that he is now in a hospice facility, rather than at home with hospice staffers in attendance. The doctors believe that he will not be with us for longer than a month, at best. I love this man dearly, and have a closer relationship with him than with my own father. I need to be there. I wish the situation were different. I would prefer struggling with the fence.
My plan is to drive down with Kevin and stay at my aunt’s house, which is less than an hour from the city. At least it will minimize the discomfort on both of our parts. His father will never know the reality of the situation. It would only cause him pain. Subterfuge is tiresome, but sometimes necessary.
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by Billie on May 12th, 2008 • No Comments »
Today was the most frivolous day I have spent in a long, long while… well, that is a lie. Yesterday was pretty lazy too.
It started the other night (Saturday if I remember correctly). I was feeling pretty low, so I whipped up some lobster risotto with fresh asparagus from my “garden” - it was the height of decadence. Just what the vet ordered. My motivation spiked and I started tearing carpeting out of my “dressing room” (really a big room off of the bedroom with little discernable purpose other than a junk repository). I woke happy, and decided to continue the trend.
Since I am a parent or sorts, albeit to far too many animals, I was invited to a Mother’s Day barbecue at a friend’s home. Her mother, various aunts and very elderly grandmother welcomed me to the fold in the way that they have for many years now. It is nice to have adopted family.
Even better, I allowed myself to spend the entire day in the pursuit of simple pleasures.
I cooked for others. Ate. Watched cartoons. Was treated to a stack of hand-written recipes and a hand-made pair of earrings from one of the aunts. Played in the great outdoors with three extremely lovely little boys. Got pee on my arm when one of aforementioned young men wet his pants and I carried him into the house for a change. No day is perfect, but it came close enough to appease me.
Today, I went shopping for tile and paint. No dice in the decision making process, but I brought enough samples home to keep me occupied for a while. The biggest problem that I choose to acknowledge right now is the fact that while my bathroom countertop and shower surround are cream colored, the toilet is white. I really don’t want to replace the thing, but I really can’t come up with a way to make it work. What to do?? It is literally making me a bit batty.
This afternoon, I had lunch with my crushee. He is a source of decidedly pleasant company. The pulled-pork nachos (I am turning into a raging carnivore) at George’s were pretty good too. Smoking meat should be considered an art form, but as always, I digress. Since my crushee has begun to read this of late, I hereby choose to wax poetic no more.
Later, I visited my sister and did a little bit of shopping for (gasp) myself. I have very few items of clothing that are wearable in public. My riding wardrobe is relatively extensive and high-end. I have tons of garments that have been relegated to “barn wear”, but nothing that makes me feel human in public. So, I bought a hoodie (not something I tend to wear often in public, but it is comfy), some white capris, an argyle sweater (oh how rapturous, I simply adore argyle) and some flip-flops. Seriously, I counted 13 pair of flip-flops in my shoe rack this evening. I really am turning into a teenager.
My day ended with a little coffee and friendly banter, then home to care for the animals. Everyone had remained in the paddocks to which they were assigned! Miracle of ages!
As I write now, I am wrapped in the warm glow of promise. It is almost as nice as my electric blanket.
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by Billie on May 10th, 2008 • 5 Comments »
I am so conflicted right at the moment. The idea of tossing a bucket on my head and running repeatedly into a brick wall sounds quite delightful.
Yesterday was my last day at work (which I referred to as my “social experiment”). Being in an office setting and temporarily focusing my time and energies on simple tasks while indulging in the requisite small talk with actual people was a very welcome relief from my own internal dialogue. Now, I am back to work at home, where my energies will definitely be put to better use - but I don’t know that I can put up with myself for too long a stretch.
Added to the dilemma, is the fact that I have found my emotional state in a somewhat regressive pattern. I am turning into the teenager that I never was. How idiotic. Here I thought that I was safe.
By virtue of choice, I keep people at a healthy arm’s length. I am a fairly solitary being (as both a friend and the duo Simon and Garfunkle have said, I am an island). Today, I can report that I already miss people. I can also report that I have a little bit of a crush on someone. What the hell is happening? An island does not develop crushes.
What to do?
Well, for starters, I stained the trim in my bathroom the other night. This morning I stripped and stained the bathroom vanity. Then, I rode my pony. I may get ambitious and work with one or two of the other horses before the day is through, but that is somewhat doubtful.
My crushee told me that he believes I have bitten off far more than I can chew in terms of the ridiculous amount of work that needs to be done in the house and on the farm in general. I have been told this multiple times before, but was always able to shrug it off. Now, I am really questioning my judgement. Thanks a lot fellow. Sadly, I trust his judgement and know that in many ways he is absolutely right. Being a closet optimist, I will try to prove both of us wrong.
So, my neighbor farmer man stopped by just now. He regaled me with a story of his tractor that caught fire yesterday and we discussed which pastures he would renting from us to grow crops this season. I don’t mind renting out the land for crops, but have firmly declared that I no longer will have corn planted here - I am not a fan of the mess it makes, the incredible amount of chemicals that go into the growing process, nor the government subsidy programs - the documentary King Corn which aired on PBS recently has only fueled my long standing disdain. So, soybeans and hay will abound. The worst part of planting season (aside from the rumble of diesel-fueled tractors at all hours) is the fertilization of the fields. Nothing smells worse than thousands of gallons of liquid cow manure wafting on the breeze.
Can life get better than this?
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