by Cheryl Mathis on December 31st, 2008
Next week, I will write something about resolutions in general, but today, I am going to tell you how I quit smoking. So many people resolve to quit smoking for the new year, but most end up failing in this endeavor. Most smokers I know have quit many times. They always ask me how I quit… and stayed quit. So here is my story.
I started smoking late: I was 19 when I first lit up. It was pure peer pressure. The people on the campus newspaper who I thought were cool smoked, and I wanted to be like them. So I practiced on my own and eventually felt comfortable enough to smoke in front of others on the steps of the Communications building.
I was a happy smoker. I never really tried quitting. I could easily go without for hours at a time. When I was a nanny, I did not smoke during the entire work day because I would not leave the baby alone to go smoke outside. But if I was driving or at home, I would smoke often.
Then I met my husband online, and he was not a smoker. We had plans to get married and start a family right away, and after we were engaged, he asked me to quit smoking. I chose February as the month I would quit smoking (we married in March).
I read dozens of articles online, and I asked people how they quit. I also asked smokers if they had tried quitting before, how they did it and what went wrong. Every single one of them tried the step-down method, either by cutting back their cigarettes or by using nicotine replacement. I watched both of my sisters try the patch and the gum, and it just didn’t seem right for me.
I have an addictive personality. And I was addicted to cigarettes. I stripped down my psyche to figure out why I smoked and why I wanted to smoke. When my quit day came, I had already stopped smoking a few days earlier. The detox was hellish. I used a fake cigarette with a menthol flavor insert to suck on when I would normally go outside on a break, but I never used nicotine again. I still have not, and it has been almost 4 years. Do not get me wrong. Not a week goes by that I don’t miss smoking. But I don’t light up. I do not keep a spare pack in the car (just in case) and I do not hang around smokers much anymore.
How did I do it? Like I said, I did some self analyzing. I really studied how smoking made me feel, what connections I made with smoking in general, and what I thought I would miss. Smoking made me feel tough. Squinting through the smoke, inhaling a tangible cloud of power… it thrilled me. It comforted me. As the seasons changed, I loved having the connection to the outdoors since I preferred smoking outside. When winter came again that next year, the urge to smoke was powerful, even though it had been nine months since I quit. The cold air reminded me of smoking.
All of those emotional links to smoking were strong, but for me, the emotions and the desire for smoking did not come close to my reasons for quitting. I wrote them down and stared at them a lot during those first few months.
1. I want to start my marriage smoke-free because Chris hates smoking.
2. I want to become pregnant, and I will not be a smoking pregnant lady.
3. I want to be a good example for my children.
4. Lung cancer runs in my family.
Everything else was willpower. Nicotine is a drug, but it’s not strong enough to force me to buy a pack of cigarettes. Nicotine can’t make me flick the lighter to the tip and suck in. Nicotine is a chemical, not a loaded gun. Ultimately, I am the one in control. And I wasn’t going to play that game anymore. I kept a focus card in my pocket, and every time I would start keening for a smoke, I would pull that out instead. The most important thing I did, though, was to avoid temptation. I didn’t hang out with smokers while they smoked. I didn’t buy cigarettes.
So there you have it. If quitting is your resolution, I hope you stick to it. The power to quit is within you already, but only if you do the hard work psychologically and make the right choices in your environment so you aren’t setting yourself up for failure. Good luck.
by Katie Fluegge on December 30th, 2008
[We want to welcome new poster Katie Fluegge to the discussion. She has started off with a bang, and I trust a very meaty subject for you all. Welcome Katie.]
Every time I turn on the news I hear the headlines about “record foreclosure” and nationwide home sales being down. But when you look at home sales in our area the truth is Central Wisconsin has a strong economy and hasn’t been affected the way that other parts of the nation have been. Locally, we have seen a decrease in the number of overall home sales by about 22% in 2008 from 2007, according to our Central Wisconsin MLS system.
Some people associate the national down-turns with our local community, and this of course is contributing to the fear factor and decline in home sales in our area. There is no doubt you would be nervous about purchasing a new home when you hear that home values have decreased and foreclosures are up. But what people are forgetting is that home values in our area have historically held there value very well. We are very fortunate to live in an area that hasn’t been affected as much as other areas and where housing is still affordable and obtainable to the average consumer.
Contrary to what is being said and may be happening on a national level, it is a great time to buy a home. Interest rates are at a historic low between 4-5% and there are some great deals out there right now. I only wish I wouldn’t haven bought my home two years ago, so I could take advantage of the deals. Many people don’t realize that 20 years ago, buyers were required to have 20% down and interest rates were between 12-13%. Inventors are taking advantage of these opportunities and spending money to make money, which is great.
As the director of marketing and sales for a residential new construction company, we are seeing a lot of second and third time homebuyers both upgrading and downsizing and keeping busy with quotes and home showings. Of course we could always be busier but we are much busier that you would think from the crap the media keeps jamming down everyone’s throat. Our lender affiliates have informed us there are some great deals out there right now for first time homebuyers and don’t forget about the $7,500 tax credit buyers receive if they purchase a home prior to July 1, 2009! You can buy a home now for as much as you are paying in rent.
With the rising energy costs, investing in an energy efficient home has never been a smarter idea. Select quality builders build their new homes to energy standards and include Thermax insulation in the basement, which provides an extra insulation and moisture barrier and our insulation standard exceed what is generally required by code. These homes need to comply with a series of heat-loss standards, which they well surpass. Some builders also install high-efficiency furnaces and water heaters in our homes so you can rest assured that you won’t be wasting unnecessary money in the winter months. Homes built to energy star standards are at least 15% more energy efficient that even homes built to the 2004 International Residential Building code and include features that make the 20-30% more efficient than standard homes. Select local builders also pride themselves on many “green” building techniques and materials used, which is important for the future of their homeowners and our community. You just cannot get these energy saving features in an older home.
As a community, we are not helping our local economy by keeping our money tucked away in our mattresses. If we are hoping to put an end to the economic down turns, the best thing we can do as consumers is to spend and take advantage of some of the great deals that are out there right now in our community. This includes taking those steps towards purchasing a new home and or vehicle, if you are in the market for one. We can help sustain our local economy by being smart and enthusiastic buyers and by spending locally. By doing so, we can insure that both you and I will make it through and have a successful 2009!
by Cheryl Mathis on December 26th, 2008
After finally getting the snowblower to work again this morning, The Husband danced a jig. What a big pile of snow we got this week! Almost threatened to do in our holiday plans, but we persevered. I hope all of you enjoyed a bit of a holiday in honor of gift-getting day. Questions this week come to us from oldwoodchair. Thanks Terry!
1. I am lucky in that I have several Christmas tree ornaments from my childhood and also from my husband’s childhood…stuff that we have fond memories of hanging on the those big old trees of our youth, and we treasure them all and proudly display them every Christmas. Do you have any decorations from when you were young? If not, what’s your “style” for your tree?….What do you decorate it with?
2. This is the time for giving extra to those that are without. If you had $10,000 that you MUST give away to one charity, which would it be, and why that one out of so many?
3. When you were a kid, did you visit Santa and sit on his lap? And what did you ask him for? (And did you get what you asked for?)
4. This is not so much a question as an opinion on the character of Santa’s reindeer. You know how the Rudolph song goes – “all of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names…” etc. They never let him play games, made fun of him, psychologically tortured him … all because he was “different.” But then when the big guy saw his value, all of a sudden the other reindeer loved him and they accepted him and thought he was great and shouted gleefully about him. Well, aren’t they just nasty little self-serving little reindeer? Sure, now that he got the big promotion and is Santa’s lead reindeer, they all of sudden think he’s great? And if you were Rudolph, wouldn’t you have just told them to go blow at that point? Is it just me that is bothered by those reindeer attitudes?
5. What is your all-time favorite Christmas cookie? Mine is the reliable old sugar cookie cut-outs with frosting and colored sugars. We make santas, angels, trees, diamonds, and candy canes. One Christmas we made them in the shape of dog bones…not everyone we gave them to understood our sense of humor, but we thought it was hysterical.
by Cheryl Mathis on December 26th, 2008
When I was a little girl living on top of the hill above the hospital, near the “tippy-top,” surrounded by fields and forests, I loved planting a half-acre garden with my mom every summer. It was delightful. I loved the flowers especially. We had ancient dahlia bulbs that stretched the length of the garden and bloomed with a dark red richness and a deeply satisfying scent. I was so sad that the flowers didn’t grow in the winter, so my mother and I built a little greenhouse on the side of the garage.
I loved that greenhouse. It was so much fun to tramp through the snow to go to the “flower sauna,” and the doorway of the glass house was littered with mittens and scarves and jackets discarded quickly in the artificial heat. Memories were made in that cheerful space, and one of those memories is the one I’ll share with you now.
Even in my early youth, I loved flowers. I loved experimenting with bulbs and seeds and bushes. One year, I was trying so hard to get a poinsettia to bloom in time for Christmas. It would be my Christmas surprise for my mom. Finally, one morning in early December, I was rewarded with a bud on the green stem.
As I sat there in wonder on my garden stool, the bud began to stir and open. My eyes grew large, and my breath caught in my throat as its bright red petals unfurled under the heat lamp’s warm glow. I closed my eyes in a silent prayer of thanks, but my lids flew open when I heard a jolly laugh. “Well! It’s about time! I was hoping I’d get to meet you!”
The poinsettia was talking. I was dumbfounded, but perhaps my youth helped me to accept what would seem ridiculous today. I started an easy friendship with the flower, running to greet it in the mornings and after the bus dropped me off from school.
I told that flower everything, and it eagerly shared in my joys and sorrows. We sang songs together and danced. It was lovely. That first Christmas with my special flower was magical in every way. Every new experience was sprinkled with fairy dust because I could share it with the flower.
Imagine my deep sadness when, after the Christmas decorations were stored away and the deep chill of January began to sink further into the ground, my flower began to wilt and dry out. I tried every trick I knew to keep the flower in bloom, but it was no use. In my last conversation with the flower, it told me not to be sad about its dying. Like all the best flowers, they always bloom again.
And it did. One year later, I watched in awe as the little green bud darkened and swelled in front of me. As the red petals started its dance to fullness, a single tear of happiness slid down my face as I heard the familiar voice sing out.
“Well! It’s about time! Merry Christmas!”
by Cheryl Mathis on December 23rd, 2008
I think my favorite Christmas memory was the year I realized how much I mean to the people in my life and how my life has intrinsic value.
It had been a rough year in college for me. I was piling responsibility after responsibility on my shoulders. Extra projects for school, signing on to sit on more and more executive boards of more and more organizations. I was overextending myself, and I was burning out quickly.
One day after a big fundraising event, one of my underlings had to bring the cash box to the bank. It was piled full of cash from our event, the main funding source for our outreach program. This underling was a charming girl, but she was flighty and, let’s face it… blond. She came running back to our organization room in a panic. She had misplaced the cash box. That was bad. I had already mailed out orders for supplies, using checks postdated after our event. Yikes! After a quick calculation, I realized that we would be about 600 dollars in the red, not counting the bank fees.
I felt like such a failure. I had promised so many people so many things. I had felt like Super Woman, solving people’s problems, doing good things for worthy causes. All of a sudden, my reputation as the best student leader on campus was going to disintegrate before my eyes. The scandal. The outrage. My failure would probably completely undo all of the new privileges the organizations had received from the school. Everything would probably revert back to the old system which included having to go through the accounting department for every single purchase. Ugh.
That evening I went back to my apartment in tears. I was desolate, and I felt so lonely. I wanted to end it all. It seemed the honorable thing to do. I stared at the bottle of sleeping pills with hopelessness wrapping my heart in pain. I closed my eyes and buried my head in my pillow, praying for sleep. My fitful slumber was interrupted by a knock on the door.
A woman stood in the hallway. She was bundled against the cold, but was stripping off her hat and gloves and scarf as she waited for me to open the door wider. Her face was warm and kind, crinkled with age and a lifetime of laughter. A halo of soft white hair glowed around her head, styled in an old-fashioned perm.
“Um. How may I help you?” I asked blearily, but still politely.
“I have a Christmas present for you from God,” she replied cheerily, with way too much energy for that time of the day.
Skeptically, I cocked an eyebrow, but I let her in anyway. I was too exhausted to argue with this woman. I didn’t have the energy for words. She followed me into my living room where I collapsed on my couch and draped a blanket around my shoulders like I was fighting off the flu. She sat across from me and waited.
“Okay. Explain yourself,” I demanded with very little force.
“Sure, Cheryl. You were thinking earlier this evening that it would be the best thing to take your own life, and I’m here to show you how wrong you are. Even if you made a mistake, you are still too valuable for this world to end it all because of a bad day,” she said.
“That’s what you say, but I don’t think I make much of a difference. Everyone would be better off without me,” I insisted.
“You want to see what the world would be like without you?” she asked.
“Fine,” I said, hoping it didn’t mean that she wanted me to go outside.
But we did go outside. We walked to the Student Union and went past the student organization offices, at least where those offices used to be. They were storage rooms now. The woman explained that because I wasn’t on campus, I wasn’t there to organize the groups to ask for office space from the university. The food pantry event that I had helped with earlier that year had never taken place because I wasn’t there to spur people to action, and people had gone hungry. And worst of all in my eyes, the student newspaper was full of typos and grammatical errors because I hadn’t been there to correct the mistakes before they went to print.
“Okay, so maybe I make a difference on campus. I can’t live here the rest of my life, though,” I said.
So we drove up north to my parents’ house. They were gone on vacation, but we went in through the garage. I stared at the photos on the wall. My brothers and my sister smiled back at me like they had before, at family reunions and graduations and holidays captured on film. But the pictures seemed to stop around the early ’90s.
“You were never born, so once your siblings left the house, your parents stopped going to reunions, stopped having a Christmas tree and a holiday party. No more kids in the house, so they didn’t care anymore. You weren’t there as the caboose of the family, born so much later than everyone else. Once the older kids were gone, there wasn’t any reason anymore. They moved away. Your mom grew so lonely. She never bothered to put down roots up here, so now she just follows your dad around as he chases after his restless whims.”
My heart started to ache. My mom had really come into her own in the last ten years. She had delighted in her ministry up there, enjoyed making new friends and making a difference. I hadn’t been there to encourage her.
The tears began to fall. I felt so separate, so lonely, but not because of the petty drama that had occurred earlier in the day, but because I felt so distant from my family. I missed them. I missed sharing their lives. I missed having a family to come home to. Seeing it all now without me, I crumbled inside as I realized how much that meant to me.
I learned that night that I don’t exist in a bubble. By living in this world and reaching out as much as I can to my fellow humans, to my family, I make a difference, but more than anything, I need to be living my life. I feel happiest when I’m alive and connected to people, and maybe, just maybe, my life can make a difference to other people.
I woke up the next morning with a plan. I had a plan for the day and a plan for my life. I called the businesses that I had mailed the orders to and explained what happened and cancelled the orders. I got to work planning another event to replace the funds.
As for my life, I knew that if I didn’t slow down, I would miss happiness. By rushing about and conquering the world, I put myself at too much risk to burn out, to fizzle out, to cease being effective. I knew I needed to find a clearer focus. From then on, I picked only the most worthy projects, only the most worthy organizations to spend my time on. I culled my friendship pool down to a few of the brightest stars in my life so I could give them more energy. Most of all, I devoted more time with my family, that group of people who will always be there, who are the touchstones of my life.
So my favorite Christmas memory didn’t have anything to do with decorations or presents or food. It was the best Christmas for me because it was the year when I figured out what life was really about. Maybe it was a dream, maybe she was my guardian angel, but I’m so glad for the experience.
by Cheryl Mathis on December 22nd, 2008
Our administrative manager here at Citizen Wausau is ailing with complications from surgery last week. Everyone at CW is hoping and praying for a speedy recovery for the guy who does nothing but who we cannot live without.
Get well soon, Shawn Sullivan!
by Melissa Sullivan on December 19th, 2008
This happens to me every year during the week before Christmas. Most of the other 51 weeks of the year, I’m a model of efficiency and organization. I know exactly where each member of our family needs to be and when. I know which items are the most important on my to-do list, and how I will get them done. I can quickly determine the whereabouts of my son’s missing Lightning McQueen, or pinpoint the exact location of my daughter’s other dance shoe.
But during this week each year, I turn into a crazy freak. I am overwhelmed by the constant buying, returning, gift-wrapping, baking, cleaning, errand-running, party-planning, menu-making, sending of cards, and decorating that needs to be fit into my already busy schedule. The weird thing is that I have scaled my Christmas activities down to only those things that I truly enjoy, but it’s still all just too much. It all makes me very cranky. I swear that if Shawn mentions one more time how much he loves Christmas, I will punch him in the face. Now, I’m quite certain that Christmas is not intended to inspire such feelings. It’s enough to make the Baby Jesus cry. Clearly, I am missing something.
1. So, my first question is: How do you tame the Christmas Crazies? Or are you as insane as me?
2. Do you send Christmas cards? This is a task I could eliminate, but I truly enjoy receiving them. And alas, to continue to receive them, I must give them.
3. Do you like reading Holiday Letters that sometimes accompany Christmas cards? Or do you find them annoying? I love them. Even the ones full of bragging or mundane details. Shawn and I both have large families, and those letters are sometimes the only news we get. Shawn writes our letter each year, and he does a fabulous job. It’s an Onion-inspired newspaper theme that makes fun of this wacky family of ours, especially the kids. We’ve had several distant relatives tell us they anxiously wait for it each December. My aunt told me she brings it to work every year so her coworkers can have a laugh at our expense. But I’m sure there are just as many others who find it obnoxious. Oh well…can’t please everyone!
4. Do you make resolutions? I gave up on that a while back, but I do evaluate my life and come up with a few goals I’d like to work on throughout the year. I eliminate things that aren’t working for me, and try to start new habits that will enrich my life in some manner. For 2009, I am thinking about running a half-marathon and volunteering at The Neighbor’s Place.
5. Do you volunteer? I’m very careful about volunteering, but I do it when it feels right. My time is precious, and I only want to spend it on things that speak to my heart. For example, I volunteer in my daughter’s classroom, but I wouldn’t want volunteer to assemble a mailing at the school. The mailing may be important, but I want to get the maximum personal benefit for the limited time I’m able to give. That sounds selfish. Is it OK to volunteer for selfish reasons?
by Cheryl Mathis on December 16th, 2008
I was so pleased to read that Aspirus had donated land to the Women’s Community for their new shelter. Good job, Aspirus!
I live about a mile or two from the first proposed site on Campus Drive. My neighbors freaked out and insisted that the domestic abuse shelter look elsewhere for a location. I was horrified. My first irrational instinct was to offer my backyard. It’s crazy and impractical, but I think it’s a decent impulse.
“Not in my backyard” is a complicated issue. I wouldn’t mind a women’s shelter, but I would probably get a little upset about a power station or a water tower in my backyard. I don’t think the shelter would be an eyesore, but the others would be.
I wonder if the neighborhood surrounding the Aspirus property will get out the pitchforks and cannons. It’s more affluent, and the layout allows much more privacy for each property. Time will tell.
What do you think of NIMBY? Is it horrible in some cases but understandable in others?
by Cheryl Mathis on December 12th, 2008
Today’s questions come to us from oldwoodchair. Thanks Terry!
1. Do you ever have repeated dreams?…you know, the same dream periodically throughout your life? I never do, but I hear some people experience that. But I do have dreams that I am dreaming.
2. I have a phobia about snakes….it is unreasonable and totally powerful. I have no idea why I have it. Do you have any phobias or fears that go beyond just a regular, understandable fear (like war, violence, loss, etc.)?
3. Speaking of weird psychological behavior, will you admit to any obsessive compulsive issues? Like, I always place my paper money in my wallet facing the same way and right side up. (OK…I don’t freak out if it’s not that way, but it just makes the universe more centered for me.)
4. I have 3 grown children who won’t eat anything with onions. I love onions and grew up being told that they help prevent colds and cancer. Do you like onions?
5. I’ve been married for like 107 years…in a row….to the same person. Do you believe in true love and that it is a magical destiny to be with that one soul mate in the universe, or that it is a more logical mutual respect and peaceful co-existence with someone that fits well into the life that you live and share?
by Andy Laub on December 8th, 2008
Let’s play a game. It’s a game about greed, so let me just get that out of the way now. You are making a Christmas/holiday/etc wishlist. On it are six items:
- An item $100,000 or less
- An item $10,000 or less
- An item $1,000 or less
- An item $100 or less
- An item $10 or less
- And finally, an item $1 or less
What’s on your list? Keep in mind it needs to be an actual item you can buy (eBay, Amazon, whatever). And no gift cards. Mine would look something like this:
- 2009 Porsche Carrera 4S
- Samsung LN55A950 – 55″ LED-backlit LCD TV
- Canon Digital Rebel XSi – dSLR camera
- Canon EF 50mm f/1.8 lens
- A carwash
- 3 Subway chocolate chip cookies
Your turn!
