Is electronic communication taking the place of real Friendship
by Theresa Stevens on January 5th, 2009
I have a friend who moved to California about five years ago. She was a very good friend, but with the huge distance separating us we’ve kind of lost touch. A few weeks ago, she sent me an email to wish us a Merry Christmas, and I sent one back. Last night, I was playing around on my Blackberry and I noticed she was online with Google Talk. I sent her a message and proceeded to have a 30-minute electronic conversation with her. We got caught up on what’s been going on in our lives in the last year (that was the last time I communicated with her…electronically).
It was great to “talk” with her, but it got me thinking. Do we rely on electronic communication too much these days? What ever happened to calling someone up on the actual (gasp) phone and yakking for an hour? I have friends in their 20s who laugh about how their mom called them to dinner via chat when they were kids. And they were in the same house!!! We got three actual Christmas cards in the mail this year, but I got about 8 electronic cards.
While writing this article, I paused a few times to check posts on Plurk and Facebook. I’m also logged into Yahoo, Google Talk and MSN Live Messenger via a multi-protocol chat client. I have my work email open and it notifies me when a new message comes in. I also have Gmail open in a separate tab in my browser. I have a phone on my desk, a Blackberry on my hip and my personal cell phone in my purse. Is this too much?
Ironically, I’m writing this article to be posted on a blog where people can leave electronic comments to discuss the article. My article is preventing people from having an actual conversation.
This morning when I dropped my daughter off at day care, I watched her playing with her friends and wondered… How many more years will she actually play before her friendships become electronic?
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2:19 pm on January 5th
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Rob Mentzer
3:22 pm on January 5th
See, but another way to read this story is that you reconnected through technology with someone you easily could have lost all touch with 20 or 30 years ago.
I agree that something is lost with each technological step forward. But a lot is gained! The convenience and immediacy of electronic communication, for example, definitely count for something.
Like, the friends your daughter makes at day care — once they all get to computer-age, she could conceivably stay friends with them for her entire life! Falling completely out of touch with people could become a thing of the past!
deepintheheart
3:45 pm on January 6th
Technofriends defy so much of my classical ideas of friendship. Connecting with folks-yes. Friends-I don’t know. I wanna see my friends sweat; smell their stink; or ear-punch them when they need it.
Yes, I got X-mas cards. I from a friend and several from business associates. No e-cards however. That feels about right–an empty message of goodwill.
Tom Neal
9:57 am on January 7th
When Dino posited this same question recently on Facebook, I commented with “What is real friendship?” Which went unanswered. Fact is, the true nature of real friendship, whether characterized by electronic or face-to-face communication, is, to me, a bigger question. How many “real” friends does one have vs. friendly acquaintances? How many jovial encounters are short on substance? How many promises are broken? How much of friendship is self-serving vs. selfless? How many “real” friends drift away unaccountably? Finding a true friend is a gift to treasure and nurture. For me, in recent years, it’s been a rare find, indeed. Hope to find more. But, I am dubious and not optimistic. On the other hand, I know lots of people. Ho-hum. Maybe I should try harder.
deepintheheart
11:32 am on January 7th
Good thoughts Tom. Friendship is selfish and selfless. Friends serve our need to connect and not feel alone, lost, or worthless. Emotional vampires are not your friends. I want to feed my friends with humor, horror,and a damn good bowl of chili. I want my friends to feed me. When friendship becomes enriched with experiences-shared, related, or otherwise-it feels like a new pair of socks.
Tom Neal
1:18 pm on January 7th
Real friends are people you think about often and know that they are thinking about you too.
Lisa Shilts
9:22 pm on January 7th
Tom (and Jane), I think about you often! I consider you my friend. Of course, I consider everyone I’ve ever met, and every CW blogger, as my friend too!
Theresa Stevens
9:48 am on January 8th
Thanks for that perspective robertmentzer, I hadn’t thought of it that way. If it weren’t for electronic means, I probably wouldn’t be in touch with several of my friends from the past!
Megan
7:00 pm on January 8th
It is completely ironic that you made this post because my New Year’s Resolution (actually made on 12/30/08) was to get back in touch with friends via telephone and in person rather than the internet. The internet is a great way to keep in touch; it’s helped me reconnect with SO MANY people. But, it is not as personal or effective as the “old” methods. And it’s much more fun to talk to a friend on the phone or visit in person. You can tell a person’s true feelings through all of their non-verbal communications just as much or more than what they are actually saying. I am all for advances in technological communication since it helps facilitate our ever-busy lives, but to really sustain a friendship, you have to get personal now and then.
Alex
9:35 pm on January 8th
“I want to feed my friends with humor, horror,and a damn good bowl of chili.”
I like that line.
oldwoodchair
10:18 pm on January 8th
I love technology, and the communication possibilities of this here thing I’m typing these words on. And it allows me to stay in touch with the brother-in-law in California and other people that are not here in front of me in my everyday life. I call them on the phone too, but this technology is convenient in our busy lives and gives immediate gratification. And the people that I’ve “met” or converse with (as on this site) are familiar to me simply because we post ideas and opinions, but this kind of communication is nothing like real life. In real life…in person…if Sparkler (new person, for example)would have walked into the room (the equivalent of signing up for her blog here) we would have said “hiya Sparkler…how you doin?…welcome & tell us about yourself!” But because this is electronic communication, she was allowed to walk in the room, to write information, and…well…that’s it. No greeting. No acknowledgment. Just another name & words typed here. So my question is, does this technology, and the facelesness of another person affect our expectation of manners and acceptable social niceties? Can we really connect if it’s eacy to ignore & just disappear? Or do I just have a weirded out way of looking at things?…that could be it!
Timothy Pickett
12:10 am on January 9th
I understand your outlook on electronic meetings, oldwoodchair. I kind of feel the same way.
I have “met” many, many people on the interweb but I doubt if I’ll ever meet them in person, which seems to make me a bit distant in how I treat these people. For me it is a double edged sword…
On one hand, I can use my anonymity to be able to say things that I neccesarily wouldn’t say to the people that I physically encounter. I actually open up a bit more of myself, my opinions, my feelings on issues.
On the other, there is the human aspect. The sharing of experiences and the making of new ones. I can’t do that without actually coming in contact with this person…. you can be friendly but can you actually become friends without ever meeting that person? Guess I’m a bit too old fashioned for that style of relationship, but I do understand it.
I have fought tooth and nail for the last 10-12 years to stay out of the “electronic generation”. I only got a computer because of the creativity aspect to it. I’ve had a cell phone on and off, but again I don’t care to have one. I do not need to be in contact with anybody at any time, I treasure my ability to be solitary when I choose (most of the time). Don’t text message, make phone calls without a good reason, have an annoying ring tone, nor have a link to the internet in my pocket… I do not need to. Rather, I don’t want to.
Marcus Nelson
12:40 am on January 9th
It’s a curious thing this, “friend” concept. In days past a friend was who you hung out with, played pool, caught a show or shared a beer.
Later days, pen pals or a telephone connected us to miled connections.
Today, I have 1478 followers on Twitter, 751 friends on Facebook, and 423 LinkedIn business associates.
How many of these folks have I actually met face to face? Most of them.
How many would I remember if they walked up to me on the street? Probably very few.
The thing is, our sense of “friendship” is being redefined by technology. Do I feel any less important if someone answers one of my Twitter posts or comments on a Facebook photo? No, it makes me feel good that someone stepped away from their day to say, “hello.”
Would I feel better if I made a damn good bowl of chili and got to share it with Deepintheheart? Hell yes.
But in today’s hustle & bustle, most of us will take what can get. We still want to “feel” connected, even if it’s only virtual.
deepintheheart
12:43 pm on January 9th
Twitter sounds like something that results from too much cough syrup, Marcus.