Hoping that all the years of fun might be reversible
by Dino Corvino on June 30th, 2009 • 2 Comments »
So, I have made it to the top of Rib Mountain twice now. It has been amazing each time. I had not expected it to be like it was, but it was amazing. I have never really worked that hard. I mean I used to be an athlete, and not that bad at it, but I was lazy. Inherently lazy. But this task is different. You can do the work and succeed, or you can stop and go home. There is nothing in the middle, at least for now. I am sure some day tehre will be all the stuff about doing it faster, or with different things, but, for now, the point is to simply make the top.
Some photos after the jump…
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Rib Mountain
by Dino Corvino on June 15th, 2009 • One Comment »
So today I learned a lesson while walking down RIb Mountain. I was thinking back to conversations I have had with my man Dan Newman, and he said something that made it pretty clear. I have recently jumped back into the journalism game at the City Pages, and that means I have to revisit musicians and venue owners. I really have issues with that sort of stuff sometimes. I have been burned by some local musicians who have thought I did not write glowingly enough about them. But, that is not here or there.
What I remembered is that Dan told me that sometimes that thing that is so important to someone else, is not important to you. That thing which you are passionate about, and would stake your life on, well that is not always universal. You might think so, because it is your thing, but honestly it is not everyones thing. Hence the issue.
But, this also is in the mirror. That which is important to me, is not always important to the world, and while I think the things i am passionate about are something the whole world should take notice of, the world is often busy. Like I learned with Andy and the up north thing.
I learned this once years ago at the hands of Steve Resnick, when I wanted to get a blues guy on z104, and I was convinced I was doing the right thing, and I did all I could, and some crap I should not do, and as a result Steve told Tom, and Tom yelled at me.
So, It is important for me to remember that just because I think the thing you are telling me is lame, chances are it rings somewhat true for you. Just the way the thing I am talking to you about is important to me. It drives me nuts when I talk to someone and I feel minimized, and I hope that in the act of setting boundaries I never do that.
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by Dino Corvino on June 15th, 2009 • One Comment »
I have often lamented the same thing, in the same way, but last week Andy taught me a lesson. Andy taught me that sometimes people see questions differently than I see them. This lesson came unintentionally, and I do not think Andy was trying to teach me a lesson, but I learned something and I totally have him to blame for it.
In the past, I have often gone up north, and I tend to invite everyone I know in one form or another. Universally no one ever comes, and often times that is a saddening rejection. But, that is not what Andy taught me about.
You see, I care for Andy very much. He is a good friend. I know he likes me, and that is the basis for a good friendship. Often times when I have invited him in the past to things, it has frustrated him. You see, I have not taken the time to ask if he was free, instead I simply offer up this other thing.
And while Andy did not say it, I think sometimes that sort of presumption is off putting to some people. I did not get it, I just thought it was a simple invitation, but it is not. Some people do not like to tell their friends no, and as a result they feel some discomfort.
I learned that instead of just asking them to come up north, I should ask if they are free, then if they are free, then invite them. It shows just that little bit more of attention paying, and that will make me a better friend.
Thanks for the lesson Andy.
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by Dino Corvino on June 2nd, 2009 • No Comments »
Over the last few months I have grown a lot. I have intentionally taken my time, explored the map before I chose a road to walk down and I think it has paid off. All of that though was cancelled out last night. I fell victim to a relapse into self pity, which quickly turned to anger. I think the stimuli that brought this emotional response were in fact insulting of me, and disrespectful of me as a human, but I do not know why this should have led me here.
The fact is, I cannot control the actions of others. I can simply present the best version of me, and when that happens then I am living up to my end of all implied or actual social contracts. But for me, the next question is always the WHY question. Why did this happen? What did I do? How did I offend person X? So, the thing is that when you have these situations come up, and already have issues like weight and shame, these are reinforcing negative patterns. Arent they?
We do not want such patterns, I do not think. These sorts of patters lead to the consumption of 10 corn dogs, and giant vats of sugary soda. And from that comes side stepping the proper healthy way to see our life.
So how do we proceed? My friend Eric would tell you that I tend to stay home. Which I do. From my friend Aaron Scharmer I learned that when I venture out I should look together and that has power to it. But, from the rest of the world sometimes we learn that we are a fat piece of crap, and no one ‘actually’ wants to spend time with you. And then we go and get a gallon of ice cream, and put a stop to all the healthy growth that you had going.
So, what have I learned? What change can I point to now? Well the positive is this…the path is based on faith. Because if it was not based on faith things like the above lesson would not happen if we had not chosen them to. What else? The world still happens TO YOU. No matter how much shit we put forth about the world is ours to control, and we only make the things happen that we want to have happen…well, the lesson most recently learned is not the lesson I would have chosen. You know why? CUZ IT FRIGGIN HURT. It hurt like a little child. I wanted to be liked, I felt unliked, and that hurts.
But, with faith comes the idea that this is the right path. That the map, though muddled, makes some sense. That I am liked, that I might know a thing or two, and maybe the world is wrong, that maybe other people are cruel and just as self serving as you once were. This act of faith that means turning my life into something else, well that is an important act of faith. No matter how much it sucks.
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by Dino Corvino on May 30th, 2009 • No Comments »
One of my best friends, Eric, is getting married this weekend. I am standing up, and one of the cats that I am standing up with is Aaron Scharmer. Heres the thing, I love Aaron today, but it was not always like that. While we were at the wedding rehearsal tonight I stood there and I learned my lesson while looking at Aarons back.
By now I would hope that you understand that the lesson triggered by Aaron has little to do with Aaron, but it comes to me inspired by my feelings in relation to Aaron. In contrast possibly. So, Aaron lovers do not worry, I love the guy with you.
When I met Aaron he was married, and I was working at the Pub. Aaron felt like all surface to me, a veneer of a person. Talk of jazz and pianos and all of this sort of thing. It was what I was fighting against, and I imposed it on Aaron, and by extension his wife at the time. I can point to others like this, my old friend Marcus Nelson, for a time Eric himself, and there were always others. These sort of polished cats who drove me nuts.
But tonight I was standing there talking to Aaron, and I realized that his personalilty had not changed. This polish, this was actually his substance. It was a cultivated and cared for image. Aaron is aware of it, and it communicates something about him, and that is his choice.
You see, for me, it has traditionally been black t shirts, tan pants or jeans, and skateboard shoes. I had existed on the pretense that this polish was false, and that it should not be a reflection of ME. Not me. I was beyond that. I was full of shit. I really was. I was communicating something, and what I was communicating was that I was a slob.
With my weight issues, these choices were sometimes out of neccessity, but all the time they were choices. I could have chosen something else, or even I could have chosen to not gain the weight.
There are reasons for the choices, for example I am very colorblind, so often chosing colors is tough. So I tend to chose basic colored pants, but the fact is I can really see now that I was and am a slob.
Aaron has depth in these choices, and I see my friend Jason through these eyes as well.
The appearance we chose communicates something, even if we do not mean it to. I think that I need to understand that. I need to care for my appearance better.
Appearance
by Dino Corvino on May 22nd, 2009 • 3 Comments »
(Lisa, don’t bother with this one. It is ALL about that.)
This week has been an amazing week. I have exercised everyday. Which has been so rewarding. Last night though I decided I needed to change my sleeping, that all of my issues come from being awake at 3 am, and asleep at 1 pm. So, I have started taking 6 mg of melatonin each night at 9 pm.
So, that is all preamble. As some of you know I am a bit obsessed with my colon. I have had this obsession since college, and it shows NO signs of stopping. So, last night I went to sleep and slept a full 8 hours. I had no snacks in the middle of the night or anything. I slept. I only got out of bed once, and that was to go pee.
So today I had a movement, and being a guy, I stood up and turned around and took a look at it. You know, quality control. You take colon obsession, add a healthy dose of immaturity, and you get a guy who checks the bowl from time to time.
I found that the projectile to be unique. It was almost divided into hemispheres. The front have was darker, and shall we say firmer, than the back which was smoother and lighter in nature.
So, I sort of wonder what that means? Is something wrong down there? How can one tell?
(See, Told you Lisa)
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by Dino Corvino on May 20th, 2009 • No Comments »
Today at work I have had a Mary J Blige record on in the background all day, over and over again. I love Mary J. She really delivers on the vocal promise of so many that have failed before her.
She has a song where she sings the words “I can be happy” over and over again. It got me thinking about something positive. It got me to the idea of ‘act as if’.
I think sometimes when we are feeling blue, or not on the road we want to be on, then all we need to do sometimes is let ourselves see the way off of that bad path. We have to be able to say the words I can be happy, I can change, and I can have what I want.
I do not like to say those things, not even to myself. And I know today that it is a mistake to not say them. I am scared to say them, because I am scared of what is next. I am scared of that big change. But, that big change comes for someone, and it might as well be me.
We have to give ourselves permission to want it, to need it, to deserve it. We have to say it.
I think of my friend Scott Holt. Far more talented than the stages he climbs on. He is always the best performer whatever club he is in has seen in that whole year. But, Scott sometimes has these runs of bad luck, bad gigs, and all the rest. At no point does the show change, at no point have I ever seen Scott deliver a different show than he does on the largest stage, in front of thousands of people.
Scott gives himself permission to be his greatest self every night.
We can all give ourselves permission.
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by Dino Corvino on May 20th, 2009 • 2 Comments »
So, I learned two things yesterday. This shall be quick.
1. One should not go tramping through the woods when a fugitive called RAMBO is on the loose. That might have been dumb the nice officer told me.
2. Eating bugs, totally uncool.
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by Dino Corvino on May 18th, 2009 • No Comments »
So, one of the things you learn as you grow older that emotions tend to lead to the same sensation. Today I was disappointed in osmething or someone, and the feeling was familiar. It was a strange push and pull, because I found out an old friend finally got a giant lump of success, and then I had this sort of heartbreak.
I think that in the past I would choose to dwell in the sad part, but the sad part is something I cannot control. So, I chose instead to leave the bone theatre, and focus on happiness.
No matter what, people are people. They seem to disappoint you in ways you never expect. No matter how many times the same thing happens, you never expect it. I suppose that is why we are human. We want the best, and we get hurt when it does not ahppen.
In other news, I saw a pretty girl who used to kiss me, and she said nice things to me. So that was fun.
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by Dino Corvino on May 18th, 2009 • No Comments »
So, today I came to realize that I empower monday with dread. I give in to the myth that weekends are great, and the week sucks. You know, the weekend is fine, but it is nothing different than anything else. Each day is 24 hours with which we have a chance to have greatness fold out of us, and infect the world.
Monday, can be that day.
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