Yesterday Sucked
I can no longer eat McDonalds. Yesterday afternoon I felt like I was kicking heroin. My stomach was in knots, and I was sweating, and spending way too much time “away from my desk” (how is that for code Lisa?). I ate a double cheeseburger for lunch. And let me tell you why.
I think in some ways I have a fundamental disconnect. I feel passionately for things, actually for most things. I like the energy of life, and joy of possiblity. I rarely, if ever, feel discouraged by the world around me. If I am being honest, often what I think of as depression, is merely fatigue that I dress as depression to present something to girls. Or something.
So at work I was soaring. We are working on something that is a defining thing. A truly national idea, a giant, huge, attention getting monolith of work. Four people. All working towards one goal, and one moment in time. Knowing that moment, that one moment, will define us. How awesome is that?!? It is not a moment that anyone will see, save a handful. But, the idea is something that is new and brave.
Well, I was soaring. Euphoric. A friend was going to get a piece of this idea professionally, so I was thrilled to tell him about it. His reaction to what I thought was at the very least good news, since he was going to be paid to do something, and I know he likes to be paid, was underwhelming. It was actually a big let down.
Then I realized that he was under no obligation to be excited about an opportunity, or to rise to my level of excitement. His life, is his life.
Here is the thing though, as far as my eating went. I had that sort of downer. Then I had to run to the Post Office, and while on the way had two downer conversations with two negative people. And by the time that was done, it was screw a healthy lunch…let us get some meat. My mood had swung so fast, and so sharply, I just drove the the damn arches.
I ate the burger, and immediately felt sick. It was bad. I was exhausted, and sweating, and had to leave my desk. I went home and laid down, and waited for it to pass. About an hour later, I was okay. What is in that food?
I think about it, and I think that I have to be doing something wrong. The highs and lows, the passion that I want in my life, it is what is killing me I think. I do not want that just be groovey part of my life, I just want something to burn bright, be amazing. Shouldn’t life be worth fighting for, shouldn’t we crave and seek inspiraiton? Maybe I am doing this wrong. Maybe I should be doing this a different way.
I am tired. I think that is it.
Melissa Sullivan said:
Have you ever read Fast Food Nation? If you really want to know what’s in that food, you should read that book. That oughta cure your McD’s cravings.
March 13th, 2008 at 2:53 pm #
Dino Corvino said:
The sickness cured it.
It had been a long time since it happened.
March 13th, 2008 at 3:01 pm #
Andy Laub said:
I’m sorry.
March 13th, 2008 at 6:41 pm #
Dino Corvino said:
It had nothing to do with you.
March 13th, 2008 at 7:06 pm #