Lessons Learned, Emotions, and planned overeating
So, I am not sure what happened. I do not go to the gym for a while, 2 days, and somehow the endorphins leave and I am stuck thinking about stuff. And we all know that is crap. So anyway, here was my realization this weekend…I saw something from my past incorrectly. I had made something into something that it was not. I realized the my love of the story had me as a leading charecter in said story, but the reality is I had nothing to do with it as a narrative at all. The thing that hurts, is if we look at our own narratives individually this was a large, and significant chapter. A sort of defining thing. And as I explored it from the other side, I was barely a part of the narrative for the other person that mattered so much to me. So that absolutely sucks.
You combine that with blues fest, and I am pounded. I am ground like today. So I am taking a week off from the sort of extraneous sharing of my life, save for CW, and my direct friends. I am not retiring to the cabin the woods. I am not doing that. I am just setting a boundary that will allow me to focus on that which is tangible and real. Real friends, not created ones. Organic growth of my life.
But today, my feet hurt. I pace. At blues fest I pace. If I arrived at 1 pm, I did not stop moving, until 2 am. I pace to make sure that something is right. Like doing a checklist in my head. I pace. My good friend Tom Jordan knows my pacing, and actually supports it.
So today my feet hurt, I am humbled by a life lesson, and I am going to eat a frozen pizza and have a diet mountain dew. Tomorrow the gym will loom large.
Cheryl Mathis said:
Perhaps it is my secret depressive personality that only a few know about, but I talk myself out of my importance at least once a week. Like my friendship with you, for one. You are nice and friendly to me only because you need something from me. Everything else is all made up in my own head. I’m not important in your life at all. See how that works? I’m not saying that you were actually important to her. What I’m saying is that defining moments are only about you. Meeting you and being friends with you is a defining moment in my life, regardless of how you really feel about me. Therefore, how I factor into your life isn’t that important.
Holy shit, that was self-righteous of me to say. Sorry. Hope you enjoyed the food splurge. I’m going through a donut phase myself.
August 18th, 2008 at 2:24 pm #