Citizen Wausau

Change 3- Positive Mindfulness

by Dino Corvino on May 9th, 2009

So today has been a great day. I got the rest I needed from the radio show last night, and I had a chance to be confronted by a lesson and change I wanted to learn.

We live in a world where not everyone likes us. People do not dig out vibe, think our voices are too this or too that, that our style is not to their thinking, that we are not likeable. People make that choice ABOUT us. They can make that choice all on their own, and then they can do what they want with it.

For a long time I was active in the local music community. I am pretty sure I was not well liked, at least that is how I think I was seen. I had definite ideas, and a definite vision on the things I wanted to do, and wanted to support. I put my resources to the things I believed in, and some that I knew would pay off. During this time, I was sometimes less than honorable, but that sort of thing was officially not often.

I look back on my time in local music with tremendous fondness. I challenge anyone to say that they have seen or met as many great artists as I have. I love that I was gifted with that chance, and I love that I took advantage of it. During that time I viewed my relationship with artists as a sort of cash register. I never felt like they were interested in my friendship or approval, I thought, and maybe still do…that they just wanted to get paid after the show. I was just the dude paying them. Which is fine.

We all liked to be liked, and I always hoped that I could have cool musician friends, but so it did not happen often. It still happened on a limited valued basis.

What does that have to do with today, and positive mindfulness? Well recently I sent out an email introducing a few hundred people to a few hundred more people. I like it that the people I know are connected to the other people I know. Well, one local musician took the time to respond with what could only be called a parental scolding for my word choice in one sentence. And for a bit, I was upset by this.

You see this is a musician I have paid often. I have bought this musicians CDs, go to the gigs, and spent social time with this person. This person has asked for favors from me, and I have done them. It has been a one sided relationship. I used to think that this was a problem of ego, that I wanted this musician to think I was cool and I could never make that happen. Then, I realized that this person was consistently taking from me. So that became interesting as well.

This response to my email was what I would call a usual thing from this person. I email this person maybe one time a year, and I tend to get scolded each and every time by this person. In the past I have let it get to me, my blood pressure would rise, I would get angry, and invariably I would backpedal and apoligze and defer to this musician, as if somehow this mattered to me.

The fact is today this introduction was done in good faith, and with the intent of doing good. This musician seeks out negative things to say to me, because if they did not, they would say something positive like “thank you dino for the years of giving me…(fill in the blank).”

So, today, the comment just spun off of me. And it stung for a second, until I realized that I had done nothing wrong. To accept this comment as anything other than sour grapes would be to make it larger than it needed to be. So, I can just trust in my positive intent, and let this person be who they are.

I can stay positive, in this moment, and not let their disliking me bother me. Which I think is essential. So, I am positively mindful.

Tomorrow, stopping asking permission.