I have to be honest. I am spent. I hear words, and they mean nothing, I say words and they mean even less. I do not know why this happens. Why the extension into the living, is so tiring for me some days, and why my spirit is so tired.
I am coming to terms with the fact that I cannot do anything about it. Save for stop doing some stuff. I have walked away from many things in the past years, and I feel good about it. And I am sure that I am doing the right thing. But, I still feel like this. Where all I want to do is lay under my desk, and sleep. Just sit and look at Engadget and dream about owning a HTC Hero or something as meaningless as that.
I am tired. And it makes me hard to be around, and worse that that it makes you hard to be around.
John H. Fischer
3:28 pm on February 8th
Spent – what a great word…
I know where you are coming from…
If you asked me 5 years ago, I would have said with all of the decisions I have made with my life (some of them much worse than others), there was only one that I would change had I been able to go back and decide again.
If you ask me that question now… there are 3 things I would change… and a 4th one is a firm maybe.
Those are the things that drain me… and I find myself spending way to much time either stressing over the fact those “mistakes” were made, or honestly doing my best to go back in time or at the very least undo them with the least amount of collateral damage.
Those times when I am just done… my mission becomes to make it through the next hour or so…. once I have done that… shoot for a day..
You get through it… hour by hour… day by day… you get through it with the hope that by getting through this hour, this day, that things will eventually start working out where being “spent” is less and less of your time.
Will it be?
who knows…
But I have to believe it will be or I will never make it to tomorrow.
(No need for a Hero, fairly happy with my Tour – though I have found myself spending a little too much time on Harley Davidson of Wausau’s website)