by Dino Corvino on January 15th, 2010
This is a Ford Ranger. A lovely small truck. Popular. Seen around the midwest like crazy. In fact I almost bought one, but thankfully my main man Andy talked me out of it, and I was graced to become a Subaru owner. And I have never been happier. But, this is about that truck. And…this truck…
This is an entirely different truck. Looks like GMC truck of some sort, with customization that lends itself to the job at hand. A work truck, pure and simple. A work truck.
Well, now how does this relate to your health Dino…come on, stop rambling. Okay, I will.
This week I was at the gym, and I met a man who was doing pull ups in a bullet proof vest. At first, I thought bullet proof vest, at the Weston Y, who is this guy? Then I was paying attention, and this was the greatest athlete in the room. It was amazing. So, I decided to go up and talk to him. We ended up chatting and it turns out he was a Marine, and had to go back in theatre in a few weeks and needed to get used to wearing the vest again. So, I was totally impressed.
Then as I paid attention even more I realized that this man was not like the other guys at the gym (and this brought on the truck thing). As a matter of fact a lot of the DUDES at the gym were secretly staring at him. You see, we have a clique of meatheads at the Y in the evening. Tribal tattoos, sliced open shirts, no cardio, and a lot of things wrapped around their wrists. Lots of what I assume to be former high school football players, or high school wrestlers. But, tribal tattoo and white baseball caps mark these guys.
Anyway, I was watching these guys watch this Marine. And it was sort of fun. They were all clearly intimidated. He was the strongest guy there, and in NO WAY the largest guy there. So it begged the question, what did all those large dudes with the tribal tattoos do with their bodies.
And here we get into the truck. So a Ford Ranger. Good truck. Can tow a jetski, a boat, you can put your bike into it. It can do a little more than a car, and is just fine.
A work truck, can pull a home, deal with mud and snow on epic scale, get you in and out of places to work safely and efficiently. Sure, your not going to see a lot of cool wrap around graphics on a work truck, but you are also not going to see a lot of work tools in a Ford Ranger.
And as far as my body and health goes…right now I am a bit like a broken down car. I want someday to be a work truck. I want my body to do what I want it to do, efficiently. It is just the vessel we move through life, and I want my body to do work.
It is interesting how I furthered this out a little bit. I am not sure how an old friend Gerald will like me talking about this, but it ties in. This guy I know Gerald was a football star in high school. Truly awesome. And I bumped into him months ago at the Y, he was coming home from the pool. He and I talked about the gym a lot over a few months, and he never mentioned lifting or anything macho at all. He talked about the pool, and stretching, and triathalons. He sort of blew me away. He had returned to the pool I think, after extended time away. And he talked about his body in those terms, of DOING things, and not looking like things. It was when I first started to think about it like this. It was a cool moment.
I think we all want to look good. Sure, I would love to have 32 inch waist, and whatever. But more than that, I want a good score on my cholesterol test, and a good score on my blood sugar and thyroid test. I want a body that can run when I want to run, jump when I want to jump.
I see this…
And I do not know what function it serves. I mean it clearly took some work, but what does that dude do.
Then there is that. While I am not a Marine, I would like to think someday if need be, I could haul a buddy over my shoulders.
Ford Ranger v Work Truck.
by Dino Corvino on January 13th, 2010
So I have been having a rough week. If you follow my twitter stream, or read this blog, you know that two days were chuck full of self doubt, and ugh. I missed a workout in there, and from that I was able to sort of figure out that I need to work out. Simply put I need it as much as I need anything else in my life.
So tonight I went to the gym, all filled up with whey protein, and I beat the living tar out of myself. I wanted to find the other side, the breaking point, the point where you stop counting, and just keep lifting the weight. I found it, it was great. I had a great time on the treadmill (blog post on the shoe mistake coming later), and the weights were awesome. By the time it was over my soul was clear, I was unsure as to what was bothering me. And now, now I simply feel like ground beef. Just shot. I am so looking forward to sleeping, and seeing what will come from that amazingness.
I love this feeling.
by Dino Corvino on January 12th, 2010
I have been thinking about this since Dec 31. So that is about 13 days. I have never been comfortable in my skin, or in groups of people, or really even with my own friends. I think I walked away from something like friendship a while ago, and the disconnection I feel can be overwhelming.
This past year though, I began to develop a circle of friends. Really, this is new. Friends on equal terms and the like. These people are all amazing human beings. Truly impressive by any objective measure of humanity. The life they lead is amazing, and I am impressed that I get to call them my friends each and every day.
But, then things happen, and no matter what I accomplish in life, I revert to being 14 years old, in Bills basement listening to Van Halen, and knowing that no one gets it. No one is connected to us, in that place, and that time. And 25 years later, that is how I feel. I feel alone, and lonely, and proud, and accomplished all in the same moment.
Tonight I had the polar opposites happen. It swung back and forth, and it really sort of became to be too much, and I think it would have led to poor eating choices, but instead I made some bad shopping choices. I bought the second Lady Gaga album, and that was that.
Early in the afternoon I felt dismissed, minimized professionally. I simply swallowed my tongue, and let it move on. I think the lesson I hate to learn from this situations is this…if I had been wearing a shirt and tie, instead of a stocking cap and a red t shirt, I do not think this person would have said the thing they said, or how they said it to me. So, that shows me that presentation, the package does matter still. No matter how much expertise I develop on a topic, someone is going to look past that substance and right to the shirt I am wearing or my weight or whatever, and make a judgement.
When this happened, I was pretty upset. I immediately thought about food. Immediately. But, I had not gotten to the gym today, and was not going to get to the gym tonight, so I ended up going to Best Buy, and buying a CD. I am pretty sure one habit just replaces the other. But, it was not a pound of wings, or Wendy’s Frosty, and the Lady Gaga record turned out to be very good, so it was okay. Not perfect, but okay.
Then, we swung the other way. I bumped into an old friend, Jim when I stopped at Target to get some eye medicine. He was there with his son Ricardo (not his real name since he is a little dude), and called out to me across the store, and we ended up talking and making tenative plans to do something we both like. It was warm and inviting, and it felt like he was happy to see me. It felt like that.
Then I went to the City Council meeting (check my twitter feed for this disgusting display of civic crap), and came up with the idea that maybe the people I think like me, clearly do not. You see, when I saw Jim, it was warm, inclusive, and it was good. Tonight I saw someone that I would say is part of my friends, and clearly they were or are not. It was nothing specific, but rather a sort of vibe that happened. The person walked past me, did not acknowledge me, even to say bye. I did not understand that at all.
So, here is the thing, no one likes to read this stuff, but I do not think I write about this stuff nearly enough.
Is it possible to be included in a circle of friends, and have that circle of friends not really like you? I do not mean dislike you, but rather the friendship is not on equal terms or levels or something? I wonder about that. I have a friend Jill, she likes to keep her relationships in boxes. I do not know her husband really, and her other friends do not know me. That works for her. I do not like that personally, I want all my friends to know each other at the very least. They do not all have to like each other, but they should know each other. I like them all, and they should like each other maybe.
Maybe some people are just not personable, and as a result the friendship is not really there, but it is something else. Shared common interest, business relationship, marriage or the like. Not everyone has to like each other, I suppose. But, it is a confusing thing, even at 39 years old.
I think we try to make lessons positive. And this is a hard one, but I think what I want to think about more than anything is that I have plan in place. I am making large changes in my life, and these changes are life time changes. I have to stay positive, and trust in the direction I am going. It has been a brutal week, and it is only tuesday. Days like today become unbearable, until you get home and get some balance, and realize that you are working hard on what you do.
But, it is interesting to think about what actions you want your friends to take. That seems selfish, but it is not really. You have discussions about how you want to be loved, passionately, warmly, with a certain style. I think that applies to friendship as well. One wants friendship to be a certain way, but you cannot impose it. You cannot ask that of a person, they have to be your friend, and you have to trust them to like you the way that they do like you.
But, what if, in some moments, you doubt yourself, but not them?
by Dino Corvino on January 1st, 2010
I went back and looked and I made 4 resolutions a year ago today. I lived up to three of them, even if I al overly critical. So, I think I am going to write some more. I recently put up some goals, and this clearly coincides with that, but so it goes.
1. Follow the eating plan put together by Exercise Authorities
2. Stop introducing everyone I know to every other person I know. Clearly that creeps some people out, and while I think I am being inclusive, that has not worked out so well.
3. I day of silence every 14 days. No TV, no talk, no email save work, no music.
4. Purchase bike, and commute daily.
5. Clean my bedroom.
6. Talk less, in general.
7. Accept my impression of myself as accurate.
8. Read 1 nonfiction, and 1 fiction book completely a week.
9. Help my friends achieve their dreams.
10. Be a lot more productive.
by Dino Corvino on January 1st, 2010
I will get around to the whole end of the decade thing, and the resolution thing later on. But, I wanted to process this a little bit before I finally fellt asleep.
I have to be careful with my words, and with my talking, and the whole bit. I have not done anything to trigger this, but instead I experienced something. Recently I was with someone, and they said something in just sort of passing, and it ended up upsetting me.
The thing was, the person did not know they were upsetting me, did not mean to upset me, and I did not say anything to the person. But, I was upset.
Words can hurt people. They simply can. This person said something in passing, and I have been processing it for a while. I am sure that I have said things in passing, and these things have hurt others. No matter what I intended or did not intend, these things hurt others. And I have to accept that responsibility.
Our strength comes from knowing what we say. Our blessing comes from knowing that our friends love us. Our friendship comes from allowing for the mistaken turn of phrase from time to time.
While I do not like the sense of what was said to me, about me, I have nothing that I can do about it. All I can do is not do the same thing to others. I can own my words.
by Dino Corvino on December 28th, 2009
We are in the heart of the holiday season. Christmas, New Years, Valentines Day, and Labor Day all seem to work together to create a world of temptation over these two or three weeks. You are surrounded by Easter Eggs, Candy Canes, Mint Juleps, and god knows what else. OFten times you are sound asleep on the couch while football is on tv, and your uncles are arguing about Black and Decker versus DeWaldt power tools. At least, that seems like what happened.
But, many of us big dudes fall off the wagon this time of year. We get swamped with commitments, and really the time simply falls away. There are wine tastings, goblets of hot oils to dip meat in, and glockenspieling that needs to be done. So, trips to the Y, they simply get lost in the laderhosen wearing shuffle.
But for me, this year, I did nothing. I focused on my plan, the things that give me meaning, and I made progress. I worked harder over the holidays, just to counter act all the shrimp I managed to eat. I worked harder than I thought was possible one day, and came away almost crawling out of the Y, but was better in a few hours and off to the races.
You see, I missed zero workouts. I made them all, and even doubled up two times. I feel good about that.
Huzzah.
by Dino Corvino on December 23rd, 2009
So its Xmas. And I made a mistake. I misled Conners mom about something I said I was going to do, or I said I had done, and ended up not doing it for a day or two later. I do not know why that is the case, I do not know why I screw up this relationship so much more than anything else in my life. There is no other way to describe it other than self destructive, or petty, or just stupid.
In this case she asked me to do something. I said I would. It was to send her something in the mail. I said sure. I did not get to it the same day, it sat on my desk for a few days. I do not know why it was not the first thing on my list for those days, but it was not. I just think I am such a dick to her sometimes. I do not mean to be, but this DELAY thing I do.
For the longest time I was late with my financial commitment. The money would literally sit there on my desk, and each morning I would forget it or something. And just walk out. I would invariably get it to her, but most of the time it would only be after I had gotten a phone call reminding me, or one that was a little more aggressive than a reminder.
I do not know why this is. Why this ONE RELATIONSHIP is so hard for me to stop acting like this in.
You see, it took a lot a while ago for me to type that I have a child. For most people they know me, and they know that fact. My co workers know, my family all knows. I try to be respectful of her and not write about it here, but maybe that is wrong as well.
I have been a bad person for a lot of years. A liar, and sneaky, bad with the ladies, and some of the men. But I work on this every day. But, it just seems like this is the hardest point, with her. I do not know why or how I think about it.
Is this the last place that I am self delusional? That I am lying to myself, and convincing myself these things, when my actions indicate something totally different?
The moments are harder to handle when I doubt myself like this. They are even harder to handle when I actually do these things. When I do this crap, it bothers me, because there is no way to not be honest about it. I did this. I did not mail the thing she wanted, and there was no excuse. Even less than you think.
I want to be a better man. But, sometimes I am just the same guy. And that guy is a jackass.
by Dino Corvino on December 22nd, 2009
As you might know from reading this blog, a lot has changed for me. We have changed the food we eat, the way we workout, the way we sleep, the water we drink. And one of the things that we have also changed is the amount of supplementation that we are working with.
I have a person, Randall, who I have known since childhood. He is a brilliant cancer survivor. And he studied all of this, since it was his life on the line. And now I am lucky enough to have him helping me. He asked some questions, and got some information, and put together a pretty aggressive supplementation plan.
The plan consists of a morning wave of pills, some pills through out the day, and some pills in the evening. It is awesome to take on, and in all fairness I did not like it in the beginning. But now, I have not felt better than I have for a long time. I think when I combine the love of exercise, the new eating, the changes in my soul, and outlook, with the supplementation, I am rock solid and feeling progress.
One of the best side effects is something Randall called The Silent Revolution. With the changes going on in the old GI tract, I am experiencing a bit of shall we say…release. Gas. Farting. The Silent Revolution.
Randall said that this is a temporary thing. That as my body adjusts to the new levels of enzymes and probiotics, then it will settle down. Right now, I pass this gas often. What is interesting, it is smell free. Unlike the normal farting, this is just simply air.
I am so committed to this path. We make meaning where we seek it and I seek it here. Inside me. I heal myself, and I choose my path to happiness. My soul is burning bright, and I am more alive now than I have ever been.
by Dino Corvino on December 21st, 2009
It is not really a change, but this is the first year that this is a reality, beyond temptation sort of thing.
The holidays are a time of parties, and late nights, and a sort of thing that might not be my thing, but often times I do it because it is the way things are done. This year though we are simply on the other side of that. We have pushed through that expectation of ourselves that does not originate with ourselves.
What matters to me is my health, my goals. Right now, this moment. Trusting the plan, and the people who have worked to get me on the right path. My support system extends itself to me, and I need to respect that and do my part. And not cop out.
So this year I am off to one holiday party, and that will be that. Other than that I have bought passes to those 24 hour gym days for the days when the Y is not open.
I want to be able to look at myself and know that the animal is running free in the woods.
by Dino Corvino on December 18th, 2009
In the past, my birthday was the one night of the year I would drink alcohol. I do not like booze for the flavor. I love being drunk, but I think that at some point it needs to be less of an abherrent spike, and instead have a traditional adult life. That is my goal. That traditional life.
I always felt like, after The Pub, the return to drinking was sort of a desire to return to an old way. A way that was not all that positive for me. So, I let it go this year.
Now more than ever do I feel great about where my life is going. This birthday I recorded an Insophisticate with my friends Andy and Rob. Tonight I am going to go to the gym, then watch GLEE because Laura thinks it is a good show.
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