Citizen Wausau

No Compassion?

by Grinning Soul on December 14th, 2008

I am trying to type but there is this purring cat underneath my arm.  He needs this affection and I need his companionship.  It is the holiday season, and the past couple months have been tumultuous.  I am both lonesome and tired of people at the same time.

Obligations to others, do they ever end?  I know this sounds awful and sounds like I am a terrible, selfish person but really the last couple months have been a codependent nightmare.  Relationships with friends, family, and other signifigants require time, effort, and energy but when does need turn into needy?  I have been unable to please everyone and friendships and relationships have suffered.   Perhaps  I am just being selfish because  others don’t see things the way I do.  Can my care not be implied?  Am I a bad friend if I don’t come to a friends rescue every time?  Am I a bad relative if I don’t call you every other day or don’t return a call because I am busy?   I have been struggling to take care of myself and my issues but have been so busy dealing with other peoples expectations of me.  Should I employ all my friends and loved ones for an hour to assist in filling out my flex spending paperwork for next year, I really need to get that done?

I have not been the kindest of people lately either.  I find myself rambling to friends, picking things apart and being quite snarky.  I don’t like being snarky, I don’t like being rude.  I have been rude and it seems that the only way to make up for my behavior is by fulfilling more obligations!  Aaaack!

I feel selfish.

I feel terribly selfish.

I feel like I can’t do anything that I want or would like to or need to do.

My immediate circle, I love them all but I need for them to back off a bit and fend for themselves.  If this does not occur I will need to fall off the grid which involves shutting off my phone, not responding to emails and retreating to someplace out of town where no one will know of my whereabouts.

I am reminded of one of my favorite Talking Heads songs, No Compassion.

Link to song on Last.fm  http://www.last.fm/music/Talking+Heads/_/No+Compassion

Lyrics:

In a world

where people have problems

In this world

where decisions are a way of life

Other people’s problems they overwhelm my mind

They say compassion is a virtue, but I don’t have the time

So many people…have their problems

I’m not interested…in their problems

I guess I’ve…experienced some problems

But now I’ve…made some decisions

Takes a lot of time to push away the nonsense

Take my compassion…Push it as far as it goes

My interest level’s dropping, my interest level is dropping

I’ve heard all I want to, I don’t want to hear any more

What are you, in love with your problems?

I think you take it…a little too far

It’s…not so cool to have so many problems

But don’t expect me to explain your indecisions

Go…talk to your analyst, isn’t that what they’re paid for

You walk, you talk…You still function like you used to

It’s not a question…Of your personality or style

Be a little more selfish, it might do you some good

In a world where people have problems

In this world where decisions are a way of life

Other people’s problems, they overwhelm my mind

They say compassion is a virtue, but I don’t have the time

(Here we go again)