Down to Earth // Free Writing -- Jobe

Notes on the Metaphysical Journey of progressive Disillusionment

Justin Steckbauer — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 11:59:13 +0000

I’ve wondered often, sometimes if I’d gone the wrong direction. I’ve made poor decisions and with consequences, but stepping above that.. Looking inside and affirming a strong moral stop-gap measure to poor decisions won’t seem to come meet me.

I don’t feel inclined to look so often, caught up in the evolvo-capitalism. I read the many bulletin posts, I check up on websites, I read through Wikipedia.. but I can’t seem to make it work inside. Perhaps it is simple impatience, but I desire the desire to perform ambitiously in my acts. It’s coming..
Some heavy load of darkness fell on myself and some of my closest friends just so recently. Why? Where did this dark wave come from? Misfortunes, troubles, nothing major.. but I don’t understand how to ride against it. I feel falling into it, blind and dumb, with lot’s of bad ideas and the intellect to make them happen with very little standing in my way.
I’ve written weird stories, lots of them.. and some seem to come true. Like I write out the future with a random accuracy, and dream tunnel visions of just a little less than I can see into that which has not occurred yet. It’s just little things. Coincidences as most would say. Just as this thought comes up, the lyrics in a song playing cover the situation completely. A friend and I have the same thought, out of nowhere. I meet a stranger in a café and she tells me something I absolutely needed to hear. It seems we are synced together. Are tighter nets formed in groups of friends?

They mock in a way sometimes; the signs; at least by my ego’s perception. I think fate just likes to have fun, always changing, and if you have the right eyes you can see the terribly wonderful and strange ironies so ever-present.

They make me smile.

They make me cry.

They make me look up to the sky and wonder for answers.

The numbers.. 1111, 2222, 3333, 4444, 5555. Appearing at random on clocks, microwave clocks, unplugged clocks, broken clocks and clocks set wrong.
The way, if you want to look back with me…: The way the events of our lives seem so real, they seem like they belong there.. They seem like blessings, no matter what light or dark fallacy might be attached. I am so thankful for this path. It’s been such a fine journey already. I’ve seen things that make words like ‘beauty’ shutter with meaning and intensity. I’ve been through times that shaped who I am now. So have you. And we look back.. Doesn’t it seem like no matter what transpired it was right? Right for us?
The voids in front of me and how I perceive them are so shaped by my experiences. The things of my life, the things far behind me created this person I am now. I love who I am, with all my flaws and I am so thankful for being allowed to make this epic journey.
I need to remember so often the obstacles I pushed through, the strength I gathered in doing so.. The pride in gaining knowledge, strength.. Confidence. It seems in my head and perhaps not yours, I cannot recall those strengths and those victories and integrate them into myself. They are shattered memories.. I don’t know how to make them part of me. It may sound brash of me, but I feel I deserve my victories. I feel I deserve strength and confidence. But that’s just me.. And perhaps I ask too much.

All I know is this.. As I walk this journey through my life, and as I pass you ones connected to me, to be my friends, allies, to be my lovers, and to vanish when our paths depart, far in the future.. I believe I will find what I seek:

I will find truth.

I will find inner-peace.

I will find love.

I will find the divine.

The divine in me and the divine of the universe.

Obama wakes silent masses / McCain rallies GOP supporters

Justin Steckbauer — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 11:34:14 +0000

The political actions of the people of the United States of America have truly surprised me over the months preceding and entering into the Democratic and Republican debates for the party nominations. Even further now to the chosen two: Senator Barack Obama and Senator John McCain. The political battles are just beginning. There is recent data indicating Barack Obama the Democratic nominee for president leads opposing GOP nominee John McCain by 15 points in recent polls.
The races for the nominee positions of both parties was strangely devoid of scandal and heavy smearing this time around. Everything in these tense political battles, especially in the past Senate and House elections have been marked by scandals, smear campaigns and debates facing candidates with questions experienced politicians ‘home run.’ Of course there were a few incidents, but nothing matching the weird sex scandals of the congressional elections.
Things are heating up, both candidates seem focused on winning over voters in skeptical and ambiguous groups. McCain may be looking to shore-up his Republican base, which after Bush’s disastrous presidency seem more willing to listen to opposing viewpoints. Obama is leading in black voters and women; as well as in certain minority groups. He could be looking to win over independent voters at this point, who are split in support of the two candidates.
The Democratic presidential nominee holds an early lead, but US elections are strange and disturbing roller coaster rides straight to the finish line. The winds of support shift madly for presidential candidates it seems. Every day becomes a victory, a disaster or one of those odd interludes when things quiet down and the candidates lay unconscious in dark rooms. McCain and Obama spend those quiet days being fed through needles, minds doped with lithium to remove them from all notion of consciousness while Buddhists, Brazilian massage artists and evangelists pray over their comatose bodies. Obama even recently admitted McCain’s choice in massage artist was “insightful and practical.”
McCain will, in most probability, attack Obama on the issue of experience. The question that will soon be answered is: Experience or change? Which will win votes? The Iraq war is another issue McCain may choose to bring to center light, and hope a nation once assaulted by terrorists on that fateful day in September of 2001 will cast votes for a candidate vowing to protect America from middle-eastern threats.
The ‘Hope for America’ campaign worked by Representative Ron Paul during the party nominations was like nothing I’d seen in politics before. It was a politician who made sense. Paul’s bid for the nomination truly quickened a lost dream I’d had for America for many years. The laws passed that invaded our freedoms, the corporate corruption and the wars had eroded my hope in the American dreams of freedom and justice for all.
In the years of chaos perpetrated by the Bush administration it seemed people were getting more and more worried. They would speak to me about the terrible things happening in the world, the corporate monsters chewing up foreign countries for slave labor and clear cutting, and the countless dangerous laws that seemed to slide right through Congress. There seemed little hope, and the country supported Bush. We did nothing.
The true actions of our government began reaching citizens through the internet and media. People were becoming aware slowly but surely. Soon the malcontents were nearly matching those still supporting the president. Still nothing happened, no action was taken. They were content in their ability to do nothing. It was an epidemic of apathy, of concerned citizens too busy and distracted by economic troubles, the television world and forty hour work weeks. A feeling of helplessness and fear stank the taverns, malls and homes in those days.
Then I started hearing about a doctor running for the GOP nomination named Ron Paul. I started hearing about his morality, his stance on issues like big business, foreign policy and big government. Surfing the internet I watched a series of debates and was literally shocked by this man’s straight forward logical nature.
So many took it as such a huge offense for Paul to say the 9/11 attacks were blowback from covert military operations perpetrated by the United States in the middle-east years ago. I recall Paul’s words being twisted into an idea that he believed we as Americans had invited the 9/11 attacks.
Perhaps I’m missing something, but doesn’t it make sense that those we attack and interfere with will find ways to strike back on us?
If Iraq or some middle-eastern country armed Canadians and Mexicans to attack Americans, and armed us as well to create warefare; if a foreign country executed and replaced our president with a dictator, would we be upset? Oh yes we would. Would we carry out a cowardly attack with hijacked commercial airliners? No. We’d send much more potent missiles. The kind that kill in great numbers. We would make our enemies suffer, because, as of Bush’s administration as president, the United States has become a nation in the business of war and economic domination.
Ron Paul’s fellow republican candidates put up better arguments at times, and the extreme issue stances Paul took on things like homeland security and the drug war made it impossible for him to make a solid run for the GOP nomination. But Ron Paul was the beginning. I was seeing that people were finding him, and they were finding something to believe in. They believed in a better America. It overjoyed me to see such a rallying of political activity by younger people like myself. Ron Paul signs still dot a few of the yards here in central Wisconsin. I smile when I see them, reminded of the apathy Paul had cured in so many.
Senator John McCain of Arizona won the Republican nomination in a landslide victory, despite the enthusiasm of Huckabee, Romney and Paul supporters. Though polls have shown McCain only noq holds about 60% of the Republican vote, his quick victory as the nominee could be a sign of a greater support for the GOP nominee in the country than polls have indicated. McCain offered few ideas of ‘change’ in the country however, and has had difficulty distancing himself from the lame duck president Bush.
As I continued watching things develop I realized another candidate had captured the hearts and minds of many of the American people. A Senator from Illinois named Barack Obama. His slogan of “Change” and promises to pursue a course of action towards a better USA had grabbed the general public’s full attention.
In silence so many people had apposed the Iraq war. They saw the economy slipping. Gas prices were rising. Average Americans were working two and three jobs just to hold onto their homes.
“Change” was a word that many Americans flocked to. And they believed Barack Obama would be the man to bring about whatever “change” the people were searching for. They are searching now. The promise of change has awoken a long sleeping mass within our country of young adults, average Americans, families and hibernating independents. They’ve stepped up to support their hero; but when election day comes will they show up to cast their votes? Will it be enough?
Those that support the Republican party and the Iraq war may however prevail as they have done in the two previous presidential elections. Those of the mid-right in political view (McCain’s strongest supporters) are an honorable and reliable bunch that are getting excited with their candidate, though perhaps not to the extent of Obama supporters. If McCain can quickly regain his Republican base, and win over white voters and independents (both groups are split down the middle in support for the two candidates) he could easily move into the lead and secure office through his stout determination to make things right in Iraq, and the simple fact of his extensive experience in world affairs that his contender seems to lack. Will the progressive republican candidate John McCain win over an America (as the ideal choice) to bring much needed stability, experience and strength in the White House?

The biggest question in my mind is if elected, will the victorious candidate remain true to the promises they’d made during the race?

Nightwalkers

Justin Steckbauer — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 21:48:13 +0000

    I put on a pair of light blue under-water shoes, wrapped a black cord around my neck jamming two little headphones into my ears. It was about 1:30 in the morning and from the darkness of laying flat on the living room floor I was out walking, my shoes crunching into the gravel cuts along the long black road leading through darkness. There were trees to the left and a great sloping field to the right. Down as far as I could see were orange street lights gleaming silently bulging shadows across the land.
    “Show me something beautiful” is a request I make often to the sky when I head out to nowhere. But it didn’t feel like nowhere. It felt as soon as I was walking that I was making a pilgrimage to some long sought place of holy tranquility and peace
                Not a few steps through the starless night my fear of darkness played against the back of my mind like the soft rub of a hand. I took that soft hand and lifted it away from my skull watching the warbling zombies running full sprint toward me vanish back into the depths of my less than stellar imagination.
                Crunches of orange sand and rubble slipping under and jumping behind my shoes I noticed were following the beat of the music playing in my head as I passed along side the giant open field. I stared out blankly feeling adrenaline pumping through my veins.
                I am a night walker, there are many of us in every city. My reason for loving it is the music, the environment and the solitude. The night brings different and indeed rare beauties the day cannot touch.
                Several cars passed by but only a few, maybe three or four. A night scavenger like me out? Lock your doors and windows. I smiled at the vehicles like a fawn in the headlights sending them merry peace signs one by one.
                I heard something. A rustling in the bushes. In a single moment I tore the headset off and tossed the wired mp3 player to the pavement. I stood silent listening carefully as the electronic device sputtered across the blacktop. Nothing. I picked up the device I had so quickly dropped, finding a large break in the glass covering the light display. Still worked…I’ll consider it a memento.
                I had reached a cluster of orange street lamps beaming down their hazy lights onto the blacktop. Shadows danced into the woods. The taste of the air so warm, yet cold, happy but sad, and the electric humming buzz of one of the lamps as the mp3 player switched tracks.
    Reaching the cusp of a slow slope down leading to an entirely unnecessary round about, I stopped dead in my tracks. I was about 40 yards off looking down on the round about lit by six different tall lamps, criss-crossed with high wires and the wood posts holding them. To the right in a grassy area displayed by the lamps, I spotted two white tails eating heartily from the cool late summer night grasses. Licked with the taste of early dew, they were beautiful.
    It was a large elegant doe, fur colored a very dark brown. Eating a few feet from her was a small fawn. It looked almost white in the drowning street lights. I watched carefully. The mother looked up from its meal scanning the land around me. I clenched my teeth not moving a muscle, and the doe turned back down. I watched them in awe.   Around here you see deer at certain times of year, but seeing and being able to actually watch them silently from the shadows, watching their elegant movements, their natural instincts, and their grace, is like throttling a leprechaun by the throat.
    I repeated my attempts not to move several times watching the doe’s head lift up and stare down past me looking for some explanation to my light breathing. Nothing. I sat down slowly, in the grass on the side of the road at 2:00 in the morning.
        I watched the two mysterious creatures meandering about the lit grasses, eventually drifting off to a line of short pines beyond the round about disappearing, but they were still watching me.
    The walk back I let my eyes roll back into my head examining the events in near retrospection. The night walk back home is always retrospection. Thoughts…demonstrations of the incredible power of the human mind, as it shift from subject to subject, idea to memory, memory to experience. I imagined my blue aura lifting about my shoulders like misty wings, watching the land ahead, walking on the opposite side of the road under the outer branches of tall trees hanging over the road.
    In the middle of the road was a giant buck standing in a pose demanding respect and dignity. Spotted brown, deep eyes, smooth fur rolling down its legs and along the spine of its back— about 25 feet off. He watched me, as I watched him. I tried to show him my intentions were peaceful. I was just another creature of the night looking for the shared understanding of existence. Like the elusive owl (or leprechaun) he gave me a look I wouldn’t soon forget. With his black eyes staring in contemplation, he vanished off into the woods ahead.
    I nodded in thanks, smiled to the sky and finished my vocal night walk home.
   Night walking is a liberating escape from the crowded nonsense of daylight— welcomed silence. All the worries, anxieties and troubles of the nine to five world drop away and you are left in solitude. This great solitude blossoms internal examination and deep thought. Spirit. A release valve for all the monotonous droning tasks performed in our daily lives. You walk at a steady pace, watch the night, the shadows of the trees, the black top, the empty roads and dark houses.. And you can just nearly touch that feeling like you’re the only person on Earth, alone as yourself and free to run down those deep thoughts there are no time for in the day. Shadows. Clarity. Solitude. Freedom.

Brain-Clutter

Justin Steckbauer — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 21:45:51 +0000

We are so heavily affected by the various elements of life living in society today. Does chaos sum up the current state of things on a personal level? Maybe not, but we’re nowhere near any real clarity. That I’m sure of.

Our minds are packed with garbage, loads of it everyday; Taken in through the five senses. It’s a mind fuck. I mean how much superfluous data can a human mind take before it begins to lose focus?

It’s not even like a garbage bag full or even two, it’s an avalanche of useless data, everyday. Billboards, television, radio, the internet, even when you’re driving around town you’re continuously hit with giant signs and logos like the MCD arch, chain gas stations, grocery stores. I’m just thankful they aren’t putting up giant televisions on the sides of buildings here yet. Having to deal with that everyday would piss me off in a very real way.

Everyday of our lives we take in so much junk. It’s chaotic, overwhelming and stress inducing. The clutter drives us further and further away from real clarity. We’re all walking with gray clouds surrounding, self consuming, isolating and providing a constant fog we’re forced to fight off in exchange for focus.

I guess overall there’s really not much we can do. I haven’t heard of any medications or surgeries to remove brain-clutter. Oh well. We’ll just have to work with what we’ve got.

We may not be able to disperse the fog around us, but I’d bet we can step out of the cloud cover every once in a while.

Step out of the chaos and take a look around. Clarity. Relief. Free yourself of the world’s worries, the concerns, the coming responsibilities. Set it all aside.

And just think. Let your mind choose the path from one thought to another. Listen. Consider. Blossom thoughts from thoughts to new thoughts and back to past ones. Ride the mind waves.. Wander the open skies of true free thought.

Cough it up. Think through this mess.

Justin Steckbauer — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 21:45:07 +0000

The streets are full of these menacing hounds called ‘humans.’ They dress up in clothes burned with the blood of poverty stricken 3rd world countries. They bathe in makeup pools rubbing on their faces and breasts to stand in front of mirrors and say ‘I’m fuckin beautiful!’
They’re traitors who will fuck you for no good reason and leave you out to rot with the rest of their post-consumption garbage. They will literally eat you alive and make you their bitches. They’ll buy you from your poor town in Russia and keep you chained to a wall in their big fancy houses, while the wife and kids play upstairs. These fucks will have you anytime they want.
Human’s are masters of social grace above all things, they are masters of deception. They are hypocrites without even knowing it and most are so exceedingly dumb it would shock you right out of this world; to believe you are some kind of alien born into a shit society of weird lumbering peach skins. These nasties are content to be limited, most you could talk until your mouth went dry and never once reach through to them.
They keep genetically engineered canines soup bowled and spliced around in the DNA, retarded in many diverse ways to make them dumb and obedient.. and two by two, so they fit in the hand bag at 32 C on those long walks through the mall.
Each has closets full of the bodies of fellow humans they’ve fucked over for a dime or because it seemed right. They hang out in packs jumping loners taking their cash.
It’s a world full of seekers out there looking for happiness love peace sex money power and hope. The irony is their backwards and quite daunting ambition to take on the world usually leads them in the opposite direct they’d like to be heading.. and they won’t even find out until they’re 45 with a family, choking to death on their 9 to 5 two story suburban jail cell family life.

Cough it up. Think clear.

Passive Living

Justin Steckbauer — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 21:44:14 +0000

Look at us! 300 million people with their heads underground. It feels like we’re rutted somewhere in our progressions. Something we only had when we were young.
I feel.. Brainwashed by this way of life. And it’s like I’m one of the minority in even daring to question how society operates.
Is this really the right way?
Why doesn’t anyone seem to care much anymore?
Every time I leave my house I’m just dodging zombies! Their most creative thoughts relate to television shows or a night with the liquor.
If you don’t care as a kid what happens when you grow up? Coma? Your realm goes no further than the job or you work and the people you hump.
Have we swirled ourselves into passive existence? Something sounds ugly so we ignore it.. Sit back and find ways to burn time.
Passive existence is a tragedy. A human life is such a precious thing to waste, don’t you think?

No time is wasted when you’ve wasted all your time?

Let’s drown in triviality.

All day.

Everyday.

Strength of Community

Justin Steckbauer — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 21:43:22 +0000

Our separation from one another is part of the problem. The strength of a community, an organization, a union. That is power to the people.

There no designated places to commune in cities. None. Sure there are lots of small groups.. But where is the center of the city? The heart. A place where all could enter at any time.

How about a great hall in the center of every city? Giant discussion theaters and rooms, shelves of books, daily speakers, public information distribution, sessions with state senators and reps, sports and recreation, demonstrations and heated debates.

Every city might come to be a giant participatory community. A loud voice.

Hello world!

Justin Steckbauer — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 21:39:38 +0000

Welcome to Citizen Wausau. This is your first post. Edit or delete it, then start blogging!