The Roy’s:Episode Ten
April 16th, 2008
Episode Ten
(a nod to the man upstairs)
… National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws, or NORML.
Jackpot.
In one gigantic ‘a-ha’ moment the entire thing made sense. All along I had known that there had to be some kind of catch. However, I had never fathomed the outcome would include a platform built around the herbal substance I worshiped so habitually. At a mere twenty years of age, I had spent the last four or five years immersed in the ‘stoner’ culture. I listened to the music, I had all the shirts, and I had all the pieces. To have the opportunity to enhance my resume with the addition of a political candidate tied to the green party - was precisely as close to winning the lottery as this misguided young man was going to get. This could be Roy’s crowning achievement, his Emmy of inebriation.
Or not.
There was this little gravel alley between the houses on this particular block. At approximately five o’clock that evening the tranquility was shattered by a gravel spitting nineteen-eighty-one Chrysler Cordoba, piloted by a chubby young man with a tight dumpy perm that hurt just to look at. Out of this monstrosity strolled the sultan of schwag himself, Dale.
Having had dinner with a President, my mind was prepared for a three piece suit and the blinding glare of shoe polish. What I got was a mix of David Crosby and Ralph Mouth, with a smidge of Weird Al Yankovic thrown in for good measure. Add a Members Only jacket, some dark shades, and you got yourself some pothead politics. Don’t blame me, I voted for Bill Clinton.
As the story goes, Dale turned out to be just about the most uptight person I have ever met. Actually, I’ll rephrase that to, Dale turned out to be just about the most annoying person I have ever met. He had a good heart, but was just ‘one of those’ guys. The first thing that really caught my attention was that Dale wasn’t too keen on Roy, making the situation extremely uncomfortable. But, he invited us in; we fired up a long heater, and started talking.
Well, mainly Dale started talking.
Dale talked so much that I tuned him out from the very beginning. This being said, I can’t really give you specific specifics. He was on the ballot in Minnesota in 1992. What he actually ran for is a subject of debate. According the Dale it wasn’t the Senate after all, and as I strain to reach the one corroded brain cell that holds this information, I believe the ballot was for a seat in the State Congress. All I know is that he had gone through the motions of getting the required number of signatures, he had a platform provided by NORML, and he campaigned just like any other guy. Unfortunately, for Dale, he wasn’t just any other guy. Instead he was an irritating chunk, with a heart of gold, and the common sense of a manhole cover. He dreamed big, and followed his dream with passion. That’s what made him a great campaigner, but, I knew right away he didn’t have a prayer.
I listened for hours and continued to wonder why Dale, who obviously didn’t care for Roy that much, had allowed us to stay there. Well around bedtime, I found out.
We weren’t sleeping there, we were sleeping outside.
Can you say reality check? I figured it was coming someday, but I wasn’t really prepared for it to start that evening. Roy had made a makeshift tent in the backyard, Dale had given us some blankets, and we exited the comfort of the house to sleep under the stars, united as one with the great outdoors, surrounded by the placid sounds of Interstate Ninety-Four.
That’s living.
The whole sleeping outside thing was so surreal at the time I completely blocked it out that first night. After awhile, I just got used to it. When the sun rose each day, Dale would get up and leave for work, and Roy and I were allowed back into the house while he was gone. After Dale had left, Roy would prepare some hobo coffee, eggs, and a quick flour and milk gravy with a sprinkle of pepper.
It was pretty good the first five hundred times.
It still never ceases to amaze me how Roy could live off around five dollars a week. All the guy ever needed was eggs, milk, bread, and tobacco. Anything else was just booze money. I have never seen anyone who needed so very little to be happy, and that was good, because very little was what Roy had.
So, we just sat there.
For days on end we sat, eating eggs and toast, while rolling cigarettes and other assorted smoking materials. Coincidentally, I have always been known for being able to roll a perfect cigarette. I directly give that credit to Roy. He spent hours teaching me, and I spent hours practicing. To this day, I can still roll a perfect smoke … with one hand.
My life is complete.
But, seriously now, I spent many an hour with Roy, even convincing him to get dentures. I would sit and just listen to him ramble on about topics and philosophies far beyond the grasp of your everyday intellectuals. Then he would get drunk and smash things. Good times.
We passed time that way right into early fall. Finally, one morning Roy came home with a brand spanking new mountain bike. How he got it he never did say. I have my theories of course, but for all I know he bought it.
Sure.
Anyway, after waiting and waiting, Roy was ready to hit the road. He wanted to head south, cutting off the cold weather that would be rolling into Minnesota shortly. Roy had already given me he entire lowdown of what to expect on the road, so with bikes in hand he started to get our gear together for our trek to warmer climates.
It was at this very moment that I decided …
(Stay tuned for Episode Eleven)
bozz_2006 said:
what were you smoking during the “dentures” conversation?
April 16th, 2008 at 7:12 pm #
pack93z said:
I was pretty close on the last guess.
So I figure a change of heart is in store for the main character.. a loss in faith maybe..
Honestly.. this is one of those must attention grabbing stories.. well done.
April 16th, 2008 at 7:30 pm #
Alex said:
1. Meth mouth doesn’t begin to describe what I had to look at prior to those dentures.
2. Loss - pretty much the central theme.
April 16th, 2008 at 7:40 pm #
nineteen eighty four far far and away said:
[…] for the Reform of Marijuana Laws, or NORML. Jackpot. In one gigantic ???a-ha?? moment the enthttp://citizenwausau.com/tsfr/2008/04/16/the-roysepisode-ten/Nineteen Eighty-Four 1984You feel sympathy for the characters even though they seem far away because […]
April 27th, 2008 at 9:39 pm #