The Roy’s:Episode Thirteen
April 25th, 2008
Episode Thirteen
… a skank from Wausau.
Like I said, ‘the girl’ had left me emotionally empty. The rest of my tank was also empty as I was out of money and out of time. I needed a place to go or I would be finding myself homeless by weeks end. I decided to turn to my best friend Andy from high school who was now living in Madison. I finally caught a break and true to form my best bud said that I was more than welcome to come if I could muster up a horse to get myself there. It was a relief; with absolutely no place to go I had found a friendly face in what was a selfish attempt to avoid a night on the blacktop. Regardless, I needed to find a ride and find one fast.
Enter one of the hottest chicks you will never meet.
Shortly after high school I was lucky enough to become friends with a blond haired belle that would leave you breathless. She was from Wausau and her name was Heather. Her father owned a little photography shop in town and we had become what I would consider to be quite tight. I can’t stress enough just how amazing this little ‘piece of perfect’ truly was. She was ungodly gorgeous without a piece of plastic in her personality. She was absolutely the most delicious dame I had ever met. I did pretty good back in my day, but Heather was from top to bottom completely out of my league. Over time she ended up being more of a little sister. But believe me; I had been trying to close the deal for years.
I guess I’m not much of a salesman.
Now completely out of options, I picked up the horn and honked this heralded Heather. As it turned out, Heather and a friend of hers (whose name I can’t remember) were on a carefree ‘let’s get out of Wausau’ and explore the world phase. Subsequently, they were more than willing to come and hang out in Minneapolis and then fly south to Madison.
So they came.
Heather’s friend had a old tiny red Ford Escort and they hopped in it and hit the interstate to the inner city. Now I hadn’t seen Heather in a year or so and was eager to put my best foot forward. Unfortunately, I had a huge problem.
Dale.
I don’t care who you are, the first time you meet Dale anything even remotely cool is sucked out of your body like liposuction for losers. As soon as these two tasty tarts met him, there was no way they were staying. The perm alone screamed helped me – then he opened his mouth - spewing forth the secret formula for a female repellent so strong that even Deep Woods OFF would be impressed. These sizzling senoritas weren’t going to have any of it.
I finally convinced them to at least stay one night over at a friend’s house that I thought Heather might appreciate. Dale had no idea I was headed for the hills, so it was imperative that the girls stick around until I could pack all of my belongings into ‘what’s her names’ car the next day when Dale was at work. They agreed and I gave them the grand tour of the city and we headed over to this casual acquaintance of mines apartment. Heather had a good evening, gaga because my buddy looked like Jim Morrison, which was for all intents and purposes was a prerequisite of hers at the time. I also managed to cuddle up to Heather’s friend a bit, nothing big, just someone to hold onto until morning.
When the rooster crowed, we returned to Dale’s to get my stuff and get outta Dodge. Ever try packing your life into on Escort? I certainly don’t recommend it. Somehow I got it done, laboring intently as the queens preceded to petrify as I moved every single little bit of my existence on my own. Eventually, I got just about everything that meant anything to me into that pint sized pony. With one final look I was out the door.
So was Dale … evermore.
Heather decided that she wanted to go back home, so her friend and I dropped her off in Wausau. We then headed to my mothers home in Stevens Point for the night. We left for Madison the next day and I must note that as a passenger in a vehicle commandeered by an easily distracted young female it was quite a gripping experience. But we made it, and I was elated to see my best friend Andy again. He had the tiniest apartment on the face of the planet, yet we all managed to pile in and have one hell of an evening. For the first time in months I felt happy. Andy had always been one of the most fascinating people that I had ever met. Our friendship was long and deep seeded and the bonding time alone was enough to lift my spirits immensely. That is until I woke up the next morning to find that…
…the canine crotch and the auto were absent.
She took every single thing that ever meant anything to me. All my personal objects, treasured keepsakes, and most importantly the artwork from my friend Andy that I treasured more than one can imagine. I lost it all.
She plain disappeared.
I still to this day cannot remember this nasty little nymph’s name, but she knows who she is. And if and when I do remember your name, or someone reading this reminds me of it, I shall make sure it is known for the world to hear. If you still have anything of mine, return it or you shall forever be literally lashed right here.
In River City.
Why didn’t I call the police you ask?
Well, it just so happens that seconds after I realized my possessions had been stolen, I received a extremely uncomfortable call from my mother informing me that …
(Stay tuned for Episode Fourteen)
Freight Abs Trucking Company said:
Good site I “Stumbledupon” it today and gave it a stumble for you.. looking forward to seeing what else you have..later
April 25th, 2008 at 6:06 pm #
bozz_2006 said:
That bitch! I thought that shit only happened in the movies!
April 26th, 2008 at 9:48 am #