The Roy’s:The End
May 30th, 2008
The End
… give up my son for adoption.
It sounds strange to say the word ‘my’ because I have never felt that way since day one. The baby was always ‘the girls’ to me. She made all the decisions from the very beginning. I didn’t do a whole lot to change her mind. We both sacrificed our previous lives in different ways. The girl chose to take the positive route, sacrificing her youth for motherhood, doing everything to ensure that ‘the baby’ would be safe and sound for a lifetime. I sacrificed my life negatively, taking the hurt of the situation and giving up. I decided instead to take advantage of others and make as many poor decisions as I could for the majority of the nineties.
Either way, I stood here that summer day of nineteen-ninety-seven with a letter in my hand asking that I give up my child.
The girl was ready to start a life with a young man who would eventually become her husband. She wanted ‘the baby’ to have a good life, to have a loving home, and a place to grow up in a family. That life of love would not include me, and she wanted me to make it official. It is apparent she would have done anything possible to ensure that ’the baby’ would not be in my life and to give ‘the girl’ a small amount of conniving credit …
She certainly did her homework.
The very next morning I had a meeting with my parole officer. This would by my first in-depth meeting in this woman’s office. At the time, I had been warned repeatedly that this certain officer of the law was not to be messed with under any circumstances. I was certainly on edge, but had promised myself that this time I would put my best foot forward. Unbeknownst to me, ‘the girl’ had already been in contact with this firm hand and within minutes of sitting down, the subject of adoption was on the table. I won’t for a second say I was forced into anything, however, the term pressured has never been more appropriate. The girl had obviously told her side of the story and now I was being asked to make a decision by a third party as well.
I had about five minutes one way or another.
To most people, the answer is obvious. How can you say anything but no? That was my reaction as well, and I was readily prepared for the fight of a lifetime. So, as I continue this story I must tell you that there was a larger picture present on the table that day.
I am also adopted.
I had to take a second to review my life. Although I didn’t remember it, there was a time early on in my own existence when I was in the same situation as my child. I was lucky; I got adopted into a loving family, and couldn’t have grown up any more comfortably than I did. I matured in a happy home, with the two point two somethings and a furry thing that barked. There was only one question to be answered. Did I have the right to possibly deny that opportunity to a child of my own? At the time I was nothing more than an ex-con with little to no future anywhere in sight. With a lifetime of experience on the issue and a parole officer politely asking me to make the right decision…
… I agreed.
To this day I still don’t know if this was some kind of pre-arranged plan of ‘the girl’s’ or not, but, the instant I said yes, my parole officer was on the phone, with ‘the girl’ to tell her the news. I only remember one line of the entire conversation.
“Would you like to talk to him?”
She handed me the phone.
I had to catch my breath for a second. I was about to speak with ‘the girl’ for the first time in nearly three years. I have remembered this little chat, word for word, ever since. It is the most important one. It is the conversation that convinced me to relinquish my child. It is what this entire story is really about.
It is The Roy’s.
Hearing ‘the girls’ voice was the strangest thing I have ever had to do. Regardless of the hurt, regardless of the hate, listening to that voice on the other end was perhaps the most fulfilling thing of all.
You never stop loving someone.
The girl was absolutely ecstatic. I don’t know who she really thought I was inside, but, I could tell she hadn’t ever expected me to say yes. She never gave me any credit to begin with and I suppose she hadn’t this time either. Let ‘the girl’ use this document as a testament.
I did that for you.
I thought about changing my mind right in the middle of that conversation, however, ‘the girl’ proceeded to swear up and down that she would at least keep me informed in the future, send an occasional picture, and perhaps even an anonymous appearance at a school recital someday. Those few words sealed the deal for me; I could handle this as long as I knew that in the future I would have the opportunity to peek in the window.
That was the most important thing.
Personally, I have never met my biological parents, they have never tried to find me, and I don’t even know if they exist. The burden of living with this type of wonder is extraordinarily hard to deal with. Not knowing why, or rather how, someone could not want you is something that never leaves your head. By agreeing to give up my child to ‘the girl’ I would be putting him in the same kind of situation. The girl promised that this wouldn’t be the case. Eleven years later …
I
h
a
v
e
n
‘
t
gotten a single
t
h
i
n
g.
Needless to say, I have never seen ‘the girl’ or ‘the baby’ again.
Luckily, I believe in fate, and fate decided to make its entrance shortly after ‘the girl’s’ and ‘the baby’s exit.
Unlike ‘the girl’, ‘the one’ never gave up on me. She has stuck by my side ever since the day I met her. She took on all the pain and weight that this author had riding on his shoulders. She took it all and returned nothing but love…real love.
True love.
For you the reader, this is where the story ceases its drama and takes a simpler tone. It is a tone of understanding, of commitment, and of perseverance. I started dating ‘the one’ during the end of that summer that was nineteen-ninety seven. Shortly thereafter, I would finally start to get it right. Today, it has been nearly a decade and I have yet to even see a speeding ticket. I have kept my nose clean, made positive decisions, and have things in my life that no amount of money can buy.
I would date ‘the one’ for nearly seven years until I married her in two thousand and four on the white sands of Jamaica at which time she became my wife Kristen. It took her awhile to get me out of the jadedness that I carried, but we pulled it off together, as a team, and continue to do so to this day.
Kristen runs a group home for juvenile delinquents.
If you have read any part of this story, it is very safe to assume that she is fantastic at what she does.
In fact, everything she does is amazing.
We now have four pets in our house. We have three cats, the first of which I got shortly after parting ways with the girl. Mosaic, is now eleven years old and is proof that even I can be a good parent. She was found in a driveway when she was six weeks old and promptly adopted into my home. We got Mosaic a friend about a year later named Samantha. 
She is a big twenty pound fluff ball that Kristen and I picked out at a farm outside of town. She was sitting in a corner alone, silent when we found her. She is still doing the same thing today. Our third feline came around the time my step-father died, appropriately named LeChat, he is a dog in cat’s clothing and never ceases to remind one of that fact.
Oh yeah, he looks exactly like Roy.
The cat, not the bum.
Our most recent addition is Gary or Garrison as we call him when needed. He is an almost two year old golden retriever of whom I don’t know what I ever did without. He is amazing, and has given us the opportunity to explore life as a family. He personally, is my pride and joy.
As for myself, I decided to go to college in my early thirties, where I continue to attend today. Do not be surprised to see a Dr. instead of a Mr. in front of my name in the not too distant future. I have done exceedingly well, and would like to take this opportunity to pat myself on the back. It is something that I rarely do, but for today anyway …
… I deserve it.
So here dear reader ends the story of The Roy’s. It has been about a bum, chicken dinner with a cat, and a total loser. I can’t tell you what putting it all down has meant to me and I thank you all for taking the journey at my side. It was something that I felt needed to be written, something for myself, and something for the record book. It started out as a story of a misguided young man and turned into something much larger. It may seem like a story about nothing, yet in reality, the entire story, all fifty two pages of it, has been about one solitary promise…
…made to me by ‘the girl’, and never followed through on.
Kara K. Benda/Kruger – please stand up.
It is far past due.
I should know.
Dino Corvino said:
way to go. Got to the end of it. Nice job.
May 30th, 2008 at 10:30 pm #
josh said:
awesome story dude awesome
May 30th, 2008 at 11:53 pm #
Insert Name said:
Thanks Dino. Thanks Josh. Thanks for reading.
May 31st, 2008 at 6:09 am #
pack93z said:
I started to leave a comment a couple of times since I read this Friday night… hats off to you and “The One” both, you for overcomming your proverbial demons so to speak and marching on and Kristen for loving you and standing by your side.
Someday hopefully you will be able to have a relationship of sorts with your son..
Well done and I think you are well on your way for that redemption that you seek.. when life hands you lemons, toss them on the ground and stomp the shit out of them to make the lemonade that you seek.
June 2nd, 2008 at 10:43 am #
Zombieslayer said:
Wonderful story and wonderful ending to it.
Would be cool to have a Dr. in front of your name. Education is worth it. I’m still paying off the loans ten years later but don’t regret it one day. I’m kind of along the lines of Rodney Dangerfield’s son in Back to School when it comes to education.
Good for Kristen. I believe that people can change if someone believes in them.
June 2nd, 2008 at 11:57 am #
bozz2006 said:
It took me awhile to get to the last installment, but it was worth it. Happy ending? Nope; happy beginning. Thank you for letting us come along with you on this journey. I hope it’s been therapeutic. You’ve nudged me to re-examine a few things, too. Imagine that! You obviously have a positive effect on those around you, as you were able to get to me through a computer screen. I’m glad we got to be friends.
June 3rd, 2008 at 6:21 pm #
Kristen said:
Well, I thought I’d better put my two cents in on this one. Since you watched me as I read this final installment, you know it brought tears to my eyes (good tears). I guess I just want the whole world to know the man that you have become. I think if any of the people from your past could see you now you’d knock their socks off! I’m so proud of you and I hope you can someday see yourself as I see you. I love you.–Kristen
June 4th, 2008 at 5:43 pm #